Transition

So I think (hope) I have reached a turning point.

We have had a great week up here in NH, but admittedly it has been a little dramatic. First, the student had the meltdown on me (and then melted on many others and has since apologized to pretty much everyone on campus. Sheesh). Then we went to the grocery and our car was surrounded by local policemen (I promise we aren't fugitives! Everything turned out fine in the end, but it was definitely a panic moment), and then we took a day trip to Portland, ME, and Will's previously tender diaper rash turned into a painful experience for us all. In the midst of it all, our little family was having glorious moments and then more hard moments.

And Clay and I had a "come to Jesus" moment.

We were both relaxed and exhausted, exhilarated and overwhelmed, excited about the future and nervous about the unknown. We knew we needed to CHILL.

Suddenly it was pretty clear to me:

This year is going to be hard over and over again if I don't let go and enjoy the ride.

I need to stop going and start growing.

I need to accept the beautiful reality that our story isn't scripted. For some reason, I had been holding onto some strange idea of what our lives were supposed to look like, and while I don't know exactly what that picture entailed, I was having trouble shaking the feeling that where we were wasn't the path we were meant to take. Thus, I was outwardly and inwardly fighting what our lives look like up here...I was struggling.

But through the course of one very honest and enlightening conversation with my amazing husband, I came to not only accept but cherish the notion that the story of our marriage, our family, our professional and personal lives is unfolding every day. Either I can live and learn where we are or I can ignore the joys right in front of me and miss the whole story.

I want to live the story. I want to love our story.

This week has provided me with lots of moments that clarify and solidify that decision.

A man in a lobster suit was one of those moments.

Well, not really, but when I really opened my eyes to where we were and what we were doing, I once again realized that God knows exactly what we truly need.

This summer, I have been given days full of time with my fun husband and happy son.

We have been able to explore places in NH and Maine that I have never seen before.

We have a cabin that doesn't scream out "clean me!" every time I turn around, so lots of the daily chores I used to do are a distant memory. We go to the dining hall for almost all of our meals, so while I miss cooking (and I miss homemade granola and chocolate chip cookies the most!), I have so much more time to spend with my family. Camden is so happy running free around our little faculty neighborhood, and Will is thriving. We have eaten several lobster rolls (heaven on earth) since we've been here, our nights consist of games of Gin Rummy and Scrabble, and the runs around Wolfeboro and trails here have cleared my mind and improved my fitness. Life is pretty simple and natural for us now, and once I let myself embrace it, I have realized that I am beyond happy.

I don't know what my life story is going to be, but it would be pretty boring if it was already scripted...

...and I think if I could have written my life story up to this point, I couldn't have dreamed up the incredible gifts I have been given thus far.

So who am I kidding? Life is good here. Life is full.

And we are happy.

Man, it feels good to finally exhale.

Real.

One of my favorite songs that Clay introduced me to includes the lyric, "Change is hard. I should know."

That's how I feel today...and many days lately.

This adventure is so dang fun and energizing and freeing, but man, some hours are just plain HARD. And I mean hours. Most of my days lately have been filled with the full range of emotions, from utter joy at the simplicity and focus of our life to thanksgiving for our blessings and the love our family shares to fear and anxiety over how we are going to make this year work financially and spiritually and professionally. I don't think I have been an anxious person in general in my life, so these feelings catch me off guard a lot and throw me for a loop. I pray about them, and I know I am growing because of them, but if this blog is going to honestly chronicle our year of adventures, then I need to include posts like this one. Sometimes this whole journey is amazing. And sometimes this transition is just hard.

Today I had a student cuss me out in front of half of the teaching tents. I was trying to escort him to the main office after he had written me a rather insulting letter last night instead of doing his homework, but he didn't feel like walking to the office. No, instead, he stopped walking, yelled obscenities at me, and attracted the eager eyes and ears of a dozen classes around ours.

This is one of those moments. It's just hard.

The kids who come here are the students who are having significant behavioral, academic, or attention difficulties at their current schools. They come bitter because they don't want to attend summer school, yes, but they also come bitter from a whole lineup of bad experiences in schools. They jokingly label themselves as the "unteachables" and the "losers," so part of our mission here is to gain their trust, inspire them to try again, and help build their confidence. It took me some time as an educator to adjust to this focus, but I was starting to feel like I was doing an okay job loving on these kids while also showing them that yes, they can do it, and yes, they have thoughts worthy of expression. Justin was one of the last to "buy in," but I thought I had gotten him last week; I thought we were working together and moving forward. Sure, he had disrespected me multiple times before today, and he was a champ at not doing his homework, but I hadn't let this distract me from my ultimate goal. To use an often quoted teaching metaphor, I had seen a spark in him and I was eager to light the fire.

But something sparked today in another direction, and a piece of the puzzle that seemed like it was going to be rewarding suddenly turned into a very hurtful situation. As someone who has been in the classroom for 8 years, I know not to take attacks like this personally...and I'm not. But when Clay and Will came to meet me for lunch and heard what happened from a colleague who saw the whole thing go down, I looked at Clay and for perhaps the twentieth time so far this summer said, "Damn, this is just hard."

Our life this year and hopefully always is going to be full of wonderfully unexpected joys and intensely trying challenges. We knew that going in. But there are those days when the challenges hurt my heart and make me hit my knees. I have been humbled many times already. Do I wish we didn't have to think about money every day? Sure. Do I wish we could offer our friends the same generosity they have shown us lately? Of course. Do I wish we could see our friends and attend wedding showers and afford babysitters? Yes, yes, and yes! But we just aren't there right now. So I am trying to live in each moment, cherish the joys of my boys' laughter, and be grateful for the new experiencing we have been given. But being a teacher involves highs and lows. Being a mama involves highs and lows. And adjusting to new places and new people involves highs and lows. But all three also prize learning and growth as among not just their rewards but their purposes, too.

Here's to growing pains :-).

Bath Time in the Cabin

Keeping Will clean up here has provided us with a few challenges and a lot of laughs.

Because he is now a moving, eating machine, he definitely needs a bath at the end of every day, but our super-small shower doesn't appeal to him...in fact, as soon as we even turn on the shower around Will, he starts screaming and crying and trying to get away.

We couldn't handle the torture anymore, so we have moved on to Plan C (don't worry about Plan B; you don't want to know): an inflatable bathtub bumper I bought for a buck at the McC yard sale before we left. We inflated it tonight, filled it with water, and ta-da! Instant bath.

Believe it or not, this reaction is a HUGE improvement over the shower shrieking :-)

Anybody got a Plan D?

:-)

The Good, The Bad, and The Adorable

Let's start with the ADORABLE:

It's true what other parents tell us: It just keeps getting better and better.

Will's personality continues to reveal itself in these random, magical moments.

A big bear hug for Mama. A coy smile for Daddy. A series of giggles for our dinner table.

We. Eat. It. Up.

Camden watching Clay swim back to the dock. Pretty adorable.

We are savoring these sweet summer moments.

A soft hand on my arm while we hike up Mount Major together=Adorable.
My two boys together before Church on Sunday (and before we probably ruined this adorable outfit by getting it all dirty and finding it impossible to clean)

...and the GOOD :-)
Swimming in Rust Pond right off of Lake Winnipesaukee

Finding stores in charming Portsmouth, NH with your name on them
We like you too, Portsmouth.
Tugboats. Ah, so New England.
Our lunch spot last weekend. Best meal we have had in awhile--and right on the coast!
Will being SO close to walking on his own. He never wants to sit anymore!
Looking out at the huge body of water
Cute outfits with helicopters on them that our new neighbors and friends gave to Will for the summer. So sweet!
Public parks with huge, beautiful gardens
Clay and Mini-me

Quiet moments together on the top of a mountain

Okay, so this picture WANTS to be good. It fails. But we tried.

This one is for real GOOD.

And for the BAD...

* Spending $11 a week on laundry at the town laundromat. Ugh.

* Will falling all the time as he learns how to walk. Breaks out hearts!

* Writing 20 single-spaced, page-long progress reports about kids I have known 2 weeks--and then having to write weekly reports on top of it

* Students who refuse to even try to learn or do well. This place both makes me want to be a better teacher and makes me want to not care. The kids absolutely hate it here. They call themselves POWs (Prisoners of W*lfeboro). It is challenging to teach them sometimes.

* Record heat up here. Love the warm air, but we broke down and bought two fans tonight. It is an expense we were hoping to avoid, but it's just too amazingly hot

* Trying to go to Church as a family only to be separated the entire time because Will can't sit still and/or be quiet in the sanctuary. Church is HARD with a 1 year old.

* Missing our friends and family :-)

xoxo

Our adventure begins.

WE MADE IT!

Well, to New Hampshire at least. And this is our humble abode.

Here's how we got here.

Love this guy. He turned ONE on June 10.

I can't believe it.

So before we packed up the house and moved north, we threw a birthday bash for our little man and invited all our Chattaboogie friends.

I was grateful to be able to see them again without being sad.

Thank goodness for a celebration.

I don't think I could handle one more goodbye.

We actually had two parties. First night: cupcake. Second night: HUGE sheet cake.

What's this? SUGAR? YUM.

Here's Will on his actual birthday. He and Camden are best friends. Love it.

Sweetness.

Good thing I didn't obsess over his cake (haha).

Mom and Dad came in to celebrate and to help. Thank God for parents. With our house in boxes, we could use all the help we could get. Thank you, Mom and Dad!

Our little family.

Will has blessed, expanded, and enriched our life immeasurably.

Will and his awesome buddy Laik. Will didn't quite understand the concept of sharing here.

He loves water and his Mr. Turtle. and WE LOVE HIM!

With godparent (and one of my best friends) Kat.

A week after this (on the same day we drove away), she and her husband Nate opened their rockin' new business. Check it out here.

One year ago, we got a picture just like this--but all three were little babes. My how time flies.

I love this picture.

Will is NOT happy with the enthusiastic round of "Happy Birthday" in his honor.

But he recovered. As Aunt B says, cake makes everything better :-).

It was a perfect first birthday.

Thanks for ALL who made it so special.

The next day we headed to the Aquarium with cousins Carey and Rachel and their boys :-)

Sweet Carey!

And then we packed everything up and moved away.

And I cried until at least Nashville.

But we got to Louisville in one piece and with one PACKED car, so packed that Camden had to lie on my lap during the drive. Everything we need for the next year (with the exception of some winter clothes) was in the back of our car. Here we go!

We spent 4 full days in Louisville catching our breath, reorganizing, and spending time with dear family--and going to the pool!

And what is summer without ice cream? Certainly not summer!

I love this picture of my Nonna and her chocolate cone.

On Thursday, we headed north. 9 hours later, we reached destination #1: Chambersburg, PA.

We enjoyed a wonderful reunion with our friends Lee and Jodie.

On Friday, we put in another 6 hours before pulling into Dave and Emily's in Glencoe Mills, NY.

They are expecting their own bundle of baby boy joy in November, so we had lots of fun talking about good memories and the future.

On Saturday, we headed out for the last time--destination: Wolfeboro, NH!

The drive to the camp school.
My classroom. Yes, I teach in a tent. It's actually pretty darn cool.

When we arrived, I perhaps went into a bit of shock.

Sure, the cabin looks charmingly rustic, and it IS. And it's plenty big. But the inside was in ROUGH shape. Unfinished floors, falling-apart furniture, 1-inch mattress on the floor, no working light fixtures, dirt everywhere. I am not sure the cabin had been touched since last summer. But we are now finding this little cabin private and cozy. A few touches from Wal-mart didn't hurt either.

Bathroom.
Kitchen.
Living Room.

But the beauty of this place is its location. Wolfeboro is an adorable New England town, and we are a 5-minute walk from Rust Pond and a short drive from Lake Winnipesaukee. It is beautiful up here.

Here's Will at the opening faculty and family cocktail party.

I think all three of us needed a beer by this point.

A "Yum Yum" bakery in town :-)

The day before classes started (last Thursday), I had the day completely free. So we headed north again, this time to Mount Washington.

The hiking backpack has gotten LOTS of good use. SO glad we made room for it in the car.

I love the picture above. Happiness.

We weren't going to be able to hike all of Mount Washington, but we wanted to walk for a little awhile. And then all of a sudden we noticed this gal:

Can you see her?

Yup! A MOOSE!! We were so excited we were tripping over ourselves! I kept creeping closer to try to get a better picture.

Check out all this gorgeous scenery. Man, it's tough to beat Vermont and New Hampshire in the summer.

Can you tell how tired I am by this point?

I started school the next day. I teach sophomores and seniors every day from 8-1, and I have to be at three meals a day, so there is a lot of interaction with the kids. I love the other faculty, and the teaching load is different but doable. I am definitely teaching kids who haven't found much success in school up to this point and need support, confidence, and skills. It has been challenging so far, but I think I am getting the hang of it

I had to teach on Independence Day, but Clay and Will attended the historic Wolfeboro Independence Day parade. You gotta love some of these pictures:

Sweet kids in their Boston Red Sox hats.

Will is not sure what to make of this parade.

Clay said there was lots of music...

...and of course the unicyclists...

...and boats on wheels with men in old uniform...

...and the John Deere with the built in canopy...

... and the Wolfeboro trolley.

And since we didn't make it out for fireworks (way past Will's bedtime), we went for a walk along Lake Winnipesaukee as a family. It was the first time in several weeks when we felt like we could actually slow down and just BE somewhere, you know? I felt like we had cleared a hurdle (or ten) and were getting back into some sort of comforting rhythm. It's not luxurious up here, but we're together and happy.

To our dear family and friends: We miss you all.

We promise to keep you updated and stay in touch.

Thanks for all of your support and encouragement, especially these past few weeks. It's been exhilarating and exhausting, beautiful and unfamiliar, stimulating and challenging. But we are growing and learning and loving a lot these days--and our hearts and prayers keep coming back to our love for you.