easter.

Okay, so this isn't Easter. Yet. It's Palm Sunday. We're loving the palm.

And this isn't Easter either. It's our final dinner party before we move to NYC. We thought we would go out with a bang, so our recipe for the evening included dear friends

(Kat, Ashley, and Emily)...

Emily and Shelby...

Kat and Nate...

An ice cream cake...

(a really frozen ice cream cake)...

And one cute little boy :-). In monogrammed PJ's.

It was a great night.

Okay, now it's Easter! Hallelujah!

Sweet.

After church and brunch and naps and a walk and cooking, we decided there would be no better way to end Easter than to take a dip in the Lake--our first one of the season!

(thank you, Shannon, for the adorable personalized t-shirts!)

William says "Happy Easter!"

Holy Week.

I have loved the Maundy Thursday service since my first year at Saint James. The meaning of the Eucharist is so clear, the stripping of the altar is powerful, and the hymns always seem full of conviction. It's a service of contradictions: joy and horror, life and death, light and dark. Maundy supposedly refers to the Latin "mandatum," or commandment. It refers to Christ's command that we love one another as He loved us.

This idea of loving each other is easy to think that we got down, but it's perhaps the greatest lesson I have been learning this year as a parent. I took Will to church by myself tonight (Clay was in Nashville for a soccer game) and initially I brought him into the sanctuary to worship with me. As the service became more reflective and solemn, Will became more restless and vocal, so right before the sermon I slipped out and took Will to the nursery.

Now, we love Carmen and Alisha and all the women in the nursery--they couldn't be any nicer--but the handoff is never easy. Tonight it was downright painful. Will looked at me, clenched his tiny fists onto my shirt, and started to cry. As Carmen lifted him into her arms, Will wailed and kept reaching back for me. I tried to reason with Will, but Carmen was clearly more experienced than I and eventually ushered me out the door. But it was hard for me to just walk away, and fortunately I found a spot to sit in a church hallway where I could hear the sermon and hear Will in the nursery. I plopped down one the floor by myself and listened.

Lucky for me, Suzanne was preaching. I love her. And as a mother and grandmother, she often references her love for her little ones. At one moment in her sermon, I could hear her take a deep breath and then I could hear her shaky voice. She seemed on the verge of tears. She talked about the love that is involved in this holiday, the love based on sacrifice and trust and hope in the future. She talked about how we are told in Christ's final hours to love one another as best we can. And in the moments when she paused, I could clearly hear my sweet Will's cry. And so there I sat, in the church hallway, crying because once again life was more magnanimous than I expected.

I know it's a cheesy saying, but it's true: "Being a mother is having your heart walk around outside your body." This love I have for Will is greater and more encompassing than anything I ever expected. I now understand why people sign up in dozens for Race for the Cure or why my students' parents care so much about their daughters' progress in my course or why people go to such lengths to adopt children. I look at children now and I feel such responsibility to be a good person, to do the right thing over and over and over again just because this world is tough enough as it is.

I know that I won't be able to comfort Will forever, or hold his hand and stroke his cheek forever, or hold him and rock him to sleep as I did tonight forever. I know those moments are precious. And I thank God that I have moments like tonight over and over again when I realize how sacred they are. But Will makes me more committed than ever to being a thoughtful, generous, understanding woman of integrity. He makes me think all day long about what the right decisions are...

I may never fully understand Christ's love for us, but my understanding of love has exploded since Will was born. So this year I thank God for showing me how holy and whole love can be.

10 months.

Hooray!

Will went from "reading" to focusing intently on grabbing the paper and eating it.

Do we love the spoon in the mouth look? Oh yes we do 'cause it means that our little man is into eating, which hasn't always been the case :-) At 10 months, he is more than eager to feed himself, especially YoBaby yogurt, his fave.

Love this face. Only took me 20 pictures to finally catch it :-).

We are spending lots of time these days cheering on Daddy's soccer team and going for long walks. Don't worry: baby sunscreen has become my new best friend.

Here we are eating our appetizer of Cheerios and strawberries. He is such a clean eater!

I am so proud.

Folks, it got a lot messier than even this. Baths are now a favorite nightly activity, both because it is so hot and sticky here and because Will has food all over him by day's end.

Still haven't quite figured out crawling but we've got the flailing arms and legs move down pat.

Love.

That gaze gets me every time.

We love eating, yes we do, we love eating, how 'bout you?

This is how we roll at dinner time. He is so frickin' cute that sometimes I do a little song and dance routine for him to make him laugh. He pounds the spoon and giggles away.

I didn't know I could fall in love with him any more but I think I am...

I asked him a philosophical question here.

He's thinking.

Louisville Slugger shirt!

It's been a long but great day.

A few more things about Will at 10 months:

1.) He loves to walk when we hold both of his hands. He wants to practice all the time.

2.) He LOVES his Sandra Boynton "Doggies" book. For some reason, "Woof!" is the funniest word in the English language to him.

3.) Church has become interesting. We drop him off in the nursery for Sunday School, but we really want to share worship with him, so we bring him with us to the service. The only thing is that church begins smack in the middle of his usual nap time, so he is increasingly tired and thus distracted and wiggly during the service. Thankfully the people in front of us and behind us today were super loving and understanding, but Clay and I aren't quite sure how to navigate this in the future. Selfishly we don't want to put him in the nursery the whole time because a.) he loves all the music and beauty of the service, and b.) we are away from him 5 out of 7 mornings a week. We don't want to drop him off with other people on the weekends! We want to be with him!

4.) He loves Cheerios.

5.) He continues to think Camden is both sweet and funny. They are so good to each other.

6.) He is saying "dada" all the time--and "mama" sometimes. But most of the time it is "baba"

7.) He continues to love the Johnny Jump-up.

8.) He is such a great napper. He loves sleeping. He hardly ever cries when we put him down--he just rolls on this side, faces the wall, and is down for the count. He slept until 8:30 both mornings this weekend, God love him.

We are already looking forward to his first birthday party, which will sadly also be our going away party. We can't wait to show our love and gratitude to our Chattanooga family. And I am pumped to make a cake. I am not sure what it will look like yet, but I am pumped to make it :).

rest. relax. rejoice.

High Five. We went on a rockin' vacation.

If we think about it for too long, we get really happy because it was so fun and really sad because it is over!

Last week we went to Palm Coast with my wonderful parents. And Mr. Turtle.

Can't forget Mr. Turtle.

Will may have been loved on a little...

...or a LOT :-)

Seeing the ocean from the viewpoint of a child is mesmerizing.

He stared at the magnitude of it, and I stared at the magnitude of him.

It never gets old. I simply can't stop staring at him. He is so fun!

What is this sand stuff?

This is one of the many pictures that confirm that Will looks just like Clay.

People can't get over it. I can't get over it.

He looked like Clay as a baby and now he looks even MORE like Clay.

How is he already this big? Oh my word!

He really is our little man now!

Family shot on the beach. Will wasn't interested.

Love this.

Trying out the (cold) water for the first time.

Mimi found Will this awesome floatation/canopy. He LOVED it. Can you tell we got lots of pictures of Will and Mr. Turtle? Can you tell we got lots of pictures in general? Dude, our poor second child is going to wonder what happened. There is no way we can keep this up!

Sweet.

Mom and Dad also brought adorable Max and Maggie down to the beach.

Riding off into the sunset.

Will with his awesome Mimi and Poppy.

We had such a wonderful week. Thanks to my generous, thoughtful parents, Clay and I were able to instantly relax, have fun with our dear family, and even go on a date (admittedly something we don't do nearly as often as we should). Will loved the water, loved the long walks, and especially loved all of the quality time he got with his grandparents. This trip was the perfect vacation at the perfect time with perfect weather and perfect company. We will treasure the memories forever!

Now we are back into the crazy schedule that is our teaching life. While I love love love teaching and love my job, I have to confess that spring break got me more and more excited to focus on Will without having the stress of planning and grading and writing comments. Clay and I have said on multiple occasions, "We just can't keep this up forever." Our daily life is exhausting. That's why we find ourselves looking forward to a change of pace for a year. Sure, we will be living on rice and beans and will be far from our dear family and friends, but there is a freedom in knowing that we won't be just trying to "get through" like we often feel this year. I find myself plagued by the knowledge that I am not the colleague nor the teacher nor the wife nor the friend nor the daughter nor the sister I want to be. There just isn't the time--and if there is time, there just isn't the energy. I pray that shifting my focus a bit will be energizing and will help me discover what is really important. I know I can't do everything, and I especially know I can't do everything at the same time, but I do feel like God is calling us to something different.

So now my job is to simplify our stuff. I started today by taking a whole load of clothing and accessories to a women's consignment sale this week.

My job is to finish teaching well at my school.

My job is to show my colleagues how much I admire, support, and cherish them.

My job is to love on my husband and my son.

Next year only one of the above jobs will exist. And I am starting to be okay with that.