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What is this?

This is Columbia University's Teachers College.

It's also where we are going to be living NEXT YEAR.

Yup, dear friends. WE ARE MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY.

It's been a LONG week of discussions, prayer, and reflection that all began last Tuesday night when Clay got the call from Klingenstein (the Institute within Teacher's College that focuses on private school leadership). "We've got good news and we've got bad news," the representative said.

Bad News: Clay wasn't accepted to the two-summers, 18-month master's degree program to which he had applied.

Good News: Clay was accepted to the exact same degree program--just the 9-month, full academic year session.

Oh boy.

So last Tuesday night we cried, thinking that the door to this opportunity had closed, that there was no way we could sell our stuff and quit our jobs and leave our friends and pay for this degree and move to NYC with a baby for 9 months having no idea what the future held beyond that.

But we couldn't stop thinking about it.

This might just be a once-in-a-lifetime chance for Clay to grow professionally. Will is young enough that we wouldn't be uprooting him from his school. I could spend the year focusing on nurturing and investing in my own child's development. Our savings turned out to be the exact amount we estimated we would need to make this work. It could be an adventure. Right?

Are we crazy?

We might just be. But after talking with family, dear mentors, and our heads of school, we realized that this might be exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. Sure, it isn't all what we expected, and we only had 5 days to make the decision (it was a looooong five days), but it amazed me how quickly I went from totally anxious about the decision to insanely confused and overwhelmed to convicted that this was what we should do, what we must do.

We love our schools, and I pray that one day our paths bring us back here (and there is still a chance that could be sooner rather than later) because our friends are so, so dear to us. But Clay's desire to grow as an educator and nurture and apply his abilities has been growing for some time now. He is ready for this. And I thought about the "Love" blog post I wrote the night before we got the call and I knew that if I believed in anything, I believed in him. He doesn't just want to do this; he needs to do this.

On Monday morning, Clay called Klingenstein and accepted the offer to join the Class of 2012.

We are SO excited, but I will be honest: we are also scared. Scared this could be a tough year for our family emotionally and financially, scared to leave wonderful jobs not knowing what future jobs await us, scared to sell most of our stuff and move hundreds of miles away and live in a city where we literally have zero friends.

But we also feel total peace. We made the right decision. We are taking a big leap of faith, sure, but we are also investing in the field both of us have dedicated our professional lives to. And at the end of the day, we want to know that when we tell our students to believe in themselves and pursue their dreams, we are practicing what we preach.

NYC, here we come.

Prayer Requests (thank you!):

1. That we would indeed get Columbia TC family housing for next year.

2. That we would secure summer jobs that provide both compensation and housing (we will move out of McC in late June but we won't move to NYC until Sept.)

3. That Sara will secure some online teaching posts she is exploring for the next school year.

4. That we can sell a lot of our stuff.

5. That this situation will benefit Will and enrich his life.

6. That we will be able to financially support this year.

7. That this program will be meaningful and challenging and life-giving for Clay.

You better believe I'll be blogging about our year in the city. This is going to be quite the adventure.

Love.

I have never told anyone this, but there was a moment on the day we married when I stole away to a quiet place in the church. I closed my eyes and I prayed, I mean really prayed, that what was about to happen would be a good thing, a Godly thing, a joyful thing, a forever thing, a holy thing. I knew I loved Clay. But I was also so very aware that our love was constantly evolving and growing and taking on new meanings, and I prayed that I would continue to understand what love really encompasses through the experience of being married to this great, great man.

Here's some of what I have learned thus far.

Love is the instinct of reaching for each other upon the moment of your first child's birth when suddenly all of your hopes and dreams freeze and you feel completely helpless and all you want is for your son to cry out and be placed in your arms.

Love is seeing that son finally join you in your hospital room only to fall asleep next to your tireless, encouraging partner.

Love is seeing your dog wanting to be around your husband all the time.

Love is your husband letting him be his shadow.

Love is looking at your son and feeling so proud that he looks like a mini-version of your husband :-)

Love is laughter.

Love is thinking about the other person more than you think about yourself.

Love is sitting together in Church and watching your son fall asleep in your husband's arms.

Love is being really, really, really tired...and realizing that someone else is just as tired...and then smiling at each other.

Love is all the little moments. It's taking your son to see Santa and then deciding not to wait in the long line and pay the ridiculous fee so instead you go outside and find a small rose garden with really poor lighting and then you look over and your baby is smiling and everything else suddenly doesn't matter. Love is not caring where you are as long as you are with each other.

Love is taking care of Will in the mornings so your partner can go workout.

Love is moving into a new house together with a 2 week-old and not being able to find anything for days.

Love can be instant.

Love is being a team in everything.

Love is coming home on Valentine's Day and seeing your husband, son, and dog playing together and laughing--and then handing you a present even though you agreed there wouldn't be presents. Love is the eloquent card attached. Love is poetry.

Love is the gift that Clay gives me every single day.

I prayed on our wedding day that marrying Clay was the right decision.

Little did I know that it would be the best decision I ever made.

I love you, babe.

8 Months.

Dear Will,

You are the light of our lives.

Your curiosity of the world makes us see things in new and beautiful ways.

You make us want to be better people, you make us want to leave this world better than we inherited it, you make us want to help others try to enjoy life as much as we do with you.

You love the little things, the simple things. You love eating paper, especially Mama's grocery lists. She has gotten better at memorizing things thanks to you! You love Camden and find him endlessly entertaining. You love rolling over and pushing up. You love smiling at other people. You love other babies, and when we come close to your friends Wylie and Ryan, you reach out to hug them.

It it is moments like that that I melt.

You are just so loving already.

You love the Johnny Jump-Up, especially because it means that you are on the same level as Camden. You jump and jump--and then suddenly you want out!

You also love the camera. You mostly want to eat it, and sometimes the light of the flash confuses you, but the minute Mama puts it down, you smile again and then she is able to quickly capture your sweetness.

From day one, you loved sticking out that tongue. Now your favorite face is one of a big, open mouth, probably because that is the face we often make when we see you. Ours is one of awe and pure joy. We loved you before we ever met you, yes, but you are so much better than we could have ever even imagined.

I asked Clay last night, "Do you just love being a dad?"

He said, "Yes. Yes. But I LOVE being Will's dad."

Great answer.

We LOVE being your parents.

Your expressions are, one after the other, so adorable.

And you finally love food! Hooray! Today you had sweet potatoes & apple and YoBaby peach yogurt. It makes Mama so happy when you open your mouth wide and get excited about eating. You wear half of it, but that is more our fault than yours :-).

Be still my heart.

Solid food success!

You are sitting up like a champ these days, but we stick close by because eventually you timber over. It doesn't faze you, though--you are so laid back and tough that you just hang out until we scoop you back up into our arms and smother you with kisses.

You still love your pacifier, and you are adept at putting in your mouth, turning it all around, and spitting it out when you see a bottle (you still LOVE your bottles).

Thoughtful Will.

You love your Daddy.

Mama loves him too :-)

My new favorite picture.

Today, your 8 month birthday, we were lucky enough to spend the day together as a family. It was the first day of our Winter Break, and Daddy leaves tomorrow for a Church convention in Knoxville, but today was all play. We were supposed to observe a Montessori toddler classroom as part of the application process, but the brief snow fall last night caused the school to open two hours late--and thus our observation was postponed until tomorrow. What did we do instead? We played as a family--and laughed and laughed.

And then we went to Target!

We tried out the shopping cart cover that Mimi and Poppy gave us for Christmas, and you loved it!

Next stop: lunch at EarthFare

Next stop: nap time (for all three of us).

You are such a great sleeper, sweet Will. I took this picture five seconds after laying you down for your nap. You sleep from 8 p.m. to 7:30 a.m., and you nap from 10-11 and from 1-3.

We also love going for walks, and even though it was super cold today, we bundled up and took a family walk around campus.

Here you are ready to walk Camden.

The cold walk led to a warm bath, another one of your favorite activities.

We love the soft books (thank you, Sally!). Why? Because when it comes to books, you love...EATING them. Hilarious.

You aren't quite sure about getting out of the bathtub, though :-)

Oh, wait...

...there's that smile!

(Wish I could get it to rotate but it doesn't seem to want to cooperate)

We tried to get the "8 month" shot but I think we waited too long...

Here you are in your sleep sack. You are about to grow out of this one and I am searching all over for a bigger one because you love it so much!

It's been a good day.

But then again, each day of the past 8 months has been a good day. A GREAT day. You make us so, so happy, little man. You are fun, loving, patient, curious, smart, and sweet. From the moment you wake up smiling to the moment you go to bed smiling, you fill our every moment with joy and meaning.

We already can't wait for tomorrow with you.

More Random Thoughts on Teaching

1. Writing and teaching writing are two very different things.
2. To be a good teacher of writing, I must write and read. A lot.
3. My students think about Facebook probably more than they think about anything else. I am working on trying to find a way to utilize it in my classroom. I am also tempted to ban Facebook from my own life just to see if it makes me feel more free to do other things.
4. I find myself getting really frustrated and almost personally hurt when my students write poorly. I am constantly reminding myself to look at a submission objectively, give it the grade it deserves, and move on.
5. I cannot get students to write for the school newspaper. They don't have time.
6. When I say they don't have time, I mean they don't make time. One of the many things Will has taught me is that I make choices every day regarding how I am going to spend my time. I hope that my time reflects my priorities, but it often doesn't. I hope to always get better at this.
7. Computers are both incredibly helpful and incredibly distracting in the classroom. My favorite classes are usually the ones where computers are closed and the students are engaged in discussion.
8. I am teaching both Brave New World and A Handmaid's Tale right now. My head is about to explode with dystopian satire. The bells that ring every 49 minutes don't help :-).
9. Clay and I taught a Sunday School class last Sunday, and just like in my classes at school, the audience of adults primarily wanted to hear a lecture. It amazes me that in a world of blogs and texts and facebook, people shy away from speaking in a public, academic context. They are okay sharing things when they are in front of a screen. They are not nearly as comfortable face-to-face.
10. Words matter. From listening to the State of the Union to teaching Taming of the Shrew to comforting my mentor and teaching idol the other day after a student told another student she hoped my mentor went to hell, I continue to be committed to the fundamental art of using words well. Words can be weapons, yes, but they can also be incredibly nurturing and inspiring and encouraging. I pray my students leave my class knowing at least that.

My Healthy Sick Day

On my way to check out the "Vows" and "Dining" sections of the NYTimes tonight (I am grading my fourth class of annotated bibliographies and desperately needed a reminder of interesting yet thoughtful reading...and yes, I confess, these are two of my favorite sections), I came across the Motherlode blog. Here is what she had to say today:

The Co-operative supermarket chain polled 3000 customers and found that after everything else was subtracted, working parents have 90 minutes a day “to themselves.”

The poll breaks down the average day as follows:

Get up 6:42am
Get ready (shower, dress, coffee) 55 minutes
Get children ready 47 minutes
Commute to work 52 minutes
Working day 7 hours
Pick children up 33 minutes
Makes / eat dinner 46 minutes
Children’s play and bedtime 1 hour 9 minutes
Household chores 1 hour 13 minutes
Work from home 1 hour 12 minutes
Go to bed 10:45pm
Spare time = 1hour 30 minutes a day

What is it that parents miss most? Here’s what they told pollsters:

1. Spend more time with the children – 48 per cent
2. Read books – 37 per cent
3. Do more exercise – 34 per cent
4. Put feet up in front of the TV – 32 per cent
5. A lie in – 31 per cent
6. Go to the pub – 30 per cent
7. Have a better sex life – 26 per cent
8. Meet friends – 25 per cent
9. Take a walk in the park with their partner – 22 per cent
10. Go to the cinema – 19 per cent

This is SO what I have been thinking about lately. Clay was away at church and dorm obligations all weekend, so I anticipated getting TONS of schoolwork and housework done. What was I thinking? Before I knew it, my Saturday had been consumed with feeding #1 (at 6:30 a.m.), working out with Ashley while Will happily (he is AMAZING) played on the floor mat, feeding #2, trip to Publix, feeding #3, naptime, cleaning the house during naptime and quickly talking to a friend, feeding #4 (including "solid" food, which is always an adventure), a beautiful walk around campus, meeting Clay for dinner in the dining hall, feeding #5, bathtime, bedtime, laundry, and then a little schoolwork. I think I watched the same HouseHunters twice at 10 and then again at midnight just because I didn't really remember the first time--and because I didn't really care. My brain couldn't get excited about starting grading or prepping at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night, and I was eager to do anything to stay awake past 10 p.m. just so I could prove that I still can. Clearly, my life is radically different from the days when I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to...

I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Will continues to be the greatest gift and joy I have ever known. Every day at 3 p.m. is still like Christmas. But while I immediately enjoyed the new role of "mama," I didn't realize just how much "Sara" was going to have to adjust and change too. Long phone conversations with friends just don't happen much anymore. My professional and personal emails have become much shorter and to the point. I don't hang out with my dear colleagues during the day anymore (no time). Workouts need to be hard core or else I just don't get enough out of them. I have been to the movies once since Will was born. And time to just write or think or read is precious. I now realize how important it is to do all of these things to help me feel healthy and my best self, but I have to be pretty intentional about when and where they take place. I exercise in the mornings when Clay and Will are both still asleep. I grade as much as I can during the school day so I don't have to bring a lot of work home. I talk to friends while I clean the house or when we go for long walks. I rent movies.

So when I didn't feel great last week and was nursing a sore throat, cough, and fever on Sunday, I did what the old "Sara" would have never done: I called in sick. Yesterday, Will went to Carla's, Clay went to work, and I stayed at home in my PJ's and graded papers all day. Not a single interruption for hours. It was blissful. I really did get a lot done. But at 3 p.m., I was ready to jump back into it, ready to scoop Will up into my arms and take him and Camden for a good walk, ready to be Mrs. Gahan in my classroom again, ready to wake up early and move through my glorious days. It was just the break I needed, but it was also a beautiful reminder that my non-sick days are full with activities and people I love. I know I am not my best self most days, but I am realizing that my "self" is also growing immensely right now.

I think I have more than 90 minutes to myself every day, so I guess I should consider myself lucky. That said, I think that it is in the moments when I am focused on things outside of my self that I feel most alive.

Now back to those papers...