Home Sweet Home

Did I lose you? Because, man, it's been a long time since I loved on this blog! Let me show and tell you why...

In the past month...

We house hunted all over the Derby City, stalked "For Rent" signs and Craigslist, convinced someone planning on selling their house to rent it to us instead, put in an application five minutes after walking through the place, signed a lease and moved our of my parents' house (God bless you, Mom and Dad--they're saints, I tell you) into our new home (!!!!) within a week. HGTV's House Hunters is fun. Real house hunters is not as fun, especially when you've usually got three kids in tow (more on that later). But man, WE LOVE OUR NEW HOME. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

 We ate a lot of applesauce. Mom (aka me) wasn't as focused on healthy, balanced meals this month. We were doing well to get calories in our precious first born.

 We held two lemonade stands. Who's this, you ask? One of the two girls I am nannying for this summer. How's it going, you ask? It's interesting.

 Will kept growing bigger. And he spent a lot of time in his car seat, making up for the months he didn't have one in NYC.

 We drew a lot of pictures. This is in our kitchen!! We have a breakfast nook in our kitchen!! Ah, I love our house!!!!

 We welcomed Uncle Tony to Louisville and took him on a tour of the city and ended at Waterfront Park downtown. Louisville, you do parks right.

 We played in the water since we experienced a heat wave of ten straight days in 100+ degree weather. What was Clay doing during most of this time? Working construction. My husband is a badass.

 We had so much fun setting up Will's new room, unpacking a million boxes that had been in storage or my parents' basement for over a year, and feeling like Christmas had come in July. When I opened up three--THREE--boxes of books for Will that had been in boxes for a year, I about cried. He's got a full bookshelf again, full of the greatest stories and drawings. FULL BOOKSHELVES. Yup, that's heaven, friends. That's Gahan heaven.

 We went shopping. Three trips (and counting) to Target and other excursions to Trader Joe's, consignment shops, three straight weekends of yard sales (bought a $3 cooler. woot woot!), and of course a million online sites. We bought the couch above. Love it.

 We put it in our new living room.

Our new living room.

Can you see me smiling as I am reading this?

More house pics to come.

 And then we, as our own little family, on the spur of the moment, decided to go to a baseball game. People, you have NO idea how BIG a deal this is. Our lives have been INSANE for weeks. Between Clay working full time and tutoring at night and me nannying during the day and teaching online at night (hence no blog posts) and, oh right, moving in and trying to prep for the upcoming school year, and oh yeah, being PARENTS, there has been no room for spontaneous or recreation. And then suddenly there was. And the three of us headed to the game like it was totally normal. And my heart SUNG.

 I don't know how we got here. But we made it. And I love my family so much my heart hurts sometimes.

 And then Clay and Will climbed a rock near our house and then we all three (four including Cam) waded in a creek until we heard from some guy that the creek was dirtier than a toilet bowl and pointed out the signs that said "TOXIC" and then we all went home and took long showers.

And in between all this, we...
...prayerfully considered and interviewed and toured childcare options for Will only to be given exactly the perfect situation for him next year. Hallelujah. He will be in a great preschool 2 days/week, with my amazing mother 1 day/week, and then in the loving home of one of my oldest friends, who also has a 2 year old. Perfect. You have no idea how much time I thought about his care. After being with him and knowing his sweet disposition inside and out this past year, I wanted him to have just the right care next year. We are so blessed this worked out so well.
...dogsat for two other dogs for ten days.
...cut a boxspring in half and then put it back together again (okay, that was Clay, and man, it was impressive).
...saw an awesome play with our friend as one of the leads (way to go, Neill!)
...exercised at an awesome gym in Louisville
...went to a super fun dinner party with future collegues
...washed clothes for FREE in our very own washer and dryer. No more $1.25 loads for us!
...took a lot of videos and not as many pictures.
...organized all of Will's clothes ages newborn to 2 years in bins in my parents' basement.
...went for a walk in our neighborhood only to be attacked by a stray boxer. Poor Camden got a little bite taken out of him!
...had a lot of margaritas (courtesy of the frozen bucket in the fridge that my sweet husband brought home one day).
...bought a twin bed frame after the third consecutive night waking up to Will's frantic screams because he was hanging off the side of his crib. Good thing we (really, you) assembled that crib.
...watched The Bachelorette. It's my guilty pleasure.
...almost finished the book I LOVE and started back in, uh, April...(Cutting for Stone)
...bought plane tickets for Maine in August!
...used our dishwasher and loved every easy minute of it
...sat on the couch, looked around, hugged each other and watched our son play in front of us, and realized that we were so, so, so very happy.

Overwhelmed with happy.

Will turns TWO!

Lordy Lordy my baby is TWO!

ELMO! Thank you, Gramma and Grandaddy!

A bubble lawn mower? AWESOME!!!

Love the Williamsons!

I think the hat totally suits him, don't you?

LOVE the bubble lawn mower

And a new toy kitchen!!!!!

Notice the second smocked outfit of the day.

He's two--he deserves two outfits!

I used to babysit Kate and Ben. CRAZY.

And see that guy Colin on the right?

He just proposed to Kate last night. 

SMART, SMART GUY.

She's a GEM.

I am including this picture because I think Beth's laugh is one of the greatest things in the world.

Will is *slightly* obsessed with his new girlfriend, Mackenzie.

Celebrating Ben's graduation from University of Kentucky.

One more fist bump. Turning Two ROCKS!

Fun with Family

It's been so fun to be with family in Louisville!

 We LOVED seeing Uncle Craig, Aunt Michelle, and cousin Jennifer a couple weeks ago.

We love and miss them!

(but thanks to their amazing organization and loving generosity, we remember them often when dressing Will--woohoo for hand-me-downs from Jennifer's sweet little guy Jameson! thank you!!!)

 

 Will just laid down next to Camdawg one morning. Sweetness.

 And then Brittany and Phil (aka Aunt B and Pablo) came in town from San Francisco.

They are TOO FUN.

Goes without saying that we love them a lot. a whole lot.

 Dad got a box at Churchill Downs one day while they were here, so the six of us headed to the track.

Dang, I LOVE going to the track.

The beautiful horses, the excitement of who is going to win, studying the Racing Form...it's awesome.

 Cuteness.

 I love mom's expression in this one.

YAY for sweet family time!

As for me and this blog, I realize that it's been a bit of a downer lately. To be honest, I think I am dealing with some feelings of anxiety and depression, and simply feeling overwhelmed, but I am working my way through it. Writing has become so integral to my experience this year, and I always want to be honest in my writing, but I realize that has some down sides, and one of them is that this blog has become less a snapshot of our full, fun life and more a space for me to reflect.
Clay, Will, and I are beyond blessed, and we couldn't be more excited about this next chapter in our lives. Can't wait to share snapshots of it with you all here!

The "marathon" continues...

It's official: I STINK at change.

When we were in Chattanooga a couple weeks ago, I told our friends that we were at the 26th mile of this marathon of a year, that the finish line was in sight, that we had run the race and were about to enjoy the blissful endorphins that come once you finally let yourself stop running.

I was wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I feel like we just ran 26.1 miles, saw the finish line, and then someone in a car came along and pulled the finish line back back back. To get there, we have to keep running. Up hills, only up, through tall grass, and in the pouring down rain. We're still running, folks.

And here's the truth: I'm over it.

All year, I have been trying to see the positives in the struggles, trying to grow in the challenges, trying to cherish new friends even when I am missing the old, but two weeks ago, we got to my parents' house and I just stopped. The truth is that I just can't keep it up. I'm done. I am ready for this adventure to be over.

As soon as we got here, our hearts full but our pockets empty, we hit the ground running looking for jobs. My first day nannying for two sweet girls, I cried the whole way home. Sure, I can take Will with me, and I am so grateful for that as he will always be the one thing I won't sacrifice in all this, but it was exhausting, humbling work: he had no fun, I had no fun, and I'm pretty sure the girls had half fun. It poured the entire day, so we were all stuck indoors with two hyper dogs, one of which had diarrhea, and the girls wanted to go to the movies and didn't understand that Will isn't quite old enough to sit in a 90 minute movie, so off to my parents' house he went while I took two girls I just met to the movies. Thank God the movie (Chimpanzees) was sad because I cried throughout it thinking that my baby was somewhere else while I was taking care of other people's babies. But mainly I cried because I was tired. Tired of waking up, staring another challenge in the face, giving it my best shot, and falling asleep utterly exhausted. So I sat in the dark movie theatre with two random girls and cried.

And I haven't really cried since. I think I'm all cried out. I don't feel much these days. I realized that this is where we are, that both of us working three jobs (a total of six jobs, not kidding, and we're still bleeding money--how does that happen?) and looking for a rental house that just doesn't want to exist yet and looking for a car for Clay that we really can't afford is where we are. So instead of waking up and staring the challenge in the face, I'm waking up and putting one foot in front of the other. That's it. That's all I have left. Thank God for my parents, who have loved all over us since the moment we walked in the door and have given us the tangible and intangible things we need at this crazy point in our adventure. I know I haven't been easy to live with, but I think it's because I just didn't realize that the challenges would keep coming once we got to Louisville. I was so happy but also so relieved when Clay earned his diploma back on May 16. He's done it, we've done it, I thought to myself. Will is still alive, our marriage is closer than ever, we've made the most of NYC and gotten jobs in a great town. We've done it. And we have. But I was so ready to close that story of our life and now I am realizing that it's only a chapter and the novel continues. Now I understand why sometimes great books end prematurely: the author is just tired. He's ready for it to be over. Makes sense to me now.

It's funny, though, how I keep learning really important lessons. I know this time--this year but also RIGHT NOW--is meant to be and that I am being shaped by it and it will be a part of me forever. Here's what I've learned this week:

1.) Be generous. Always be generous. Even when you aren't sure that someone is benefitting from your generosity, give anyways. When Clay and I moved out of NYC, we were robbed by the garage attendant where we parked our packed van. Nothing like paying someone $40 to rob us, huh? We didn't realize it until we got to Louisville and started opening empty boxes. He took Clay's playstation, which in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal except that it makes Clay SO happy, and at the end of a long day, it makes me so happy when he can just play for a little while. Anyways, the family for whom I tutor emailed me a week or so ago to ask how our transition went, and I laughingly told them that we almost made it through a year in New York without (many) problems and then I told her the story. Three days later we come home from our jobs to a HUGE box waiting for us. Yup, this loving, amazing, generous family sent Clay a new XBox 360 AND games. I am still so humbled by it that I can't fully believe it.

2.) Angels exist. The family mentioned in #1 are proof of that. My parents, who have taken us in and showered us with food and babysitting for Will and transportation help are forever angels in my book. Clay's boss, who picks him up and drops him off every day since we don't have a second car yet, is another. Clay's parents, who love us so unconditionally and generously all the time, are angels. The old friend I reconnected with at a baby shower full of people I remembered but now don't really know is another. They're everywhere. And I reason to bet that you are an angel to someone and you don't even know it.

3.) Cherish your family. In the past three or so weeks, I've known three people who passed away, one of which was a former student and cross country runner of mine. She was 18. She was diagnosed with leukemia back in the fall and worked hard to keep up with her senior year studies until the cancer weakened her too much. And as I kept up with her struggle from afar, I kept thinking about her sweet mother, who was always there at XC practices and meets and couldn't have been a bigger cheerleader for her daughter. My heart ached for her, her husband, her other daughter. Christian died a week and a day after she was supposed to graduate from GPS. She will forever personify Hebrews 12:1: "

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

4.) Children are gifts. I hate the saying that babies change everything (doesn't it sound so scary?) but I quietly admit it's true. Will has changed my life and in every way for the better. He brings me joy when I am despairing, he gives me strength when I am weak, he makes me laugh when I need it most, he shows me all day long what is really important: family hugs, time together, play, books, doggies, and curiously exploring this majestic and mysterious world in which we live. Back when Clay and I decided to leave Chattanooga and embark on this crazy adventure, I asked Clay, "How can we do this with Will?"I just didn't see how this year would have been feasible with a toddler. Now I bow my head and thank God for knowing that I couldn't have done with year without Will. He's my gift. And when everything else seems hard and the finish line seems distant, all I need to keep me going is to hold his hand and hear his steady breathing and know that he's okay. Because if he's okay, then I'm okay, Clay's okay, our little family's okay.

My race is nothing compared to Christian's brave fight or the challenges that many people around me deal with every day. But this year has tested me over and over again. As much as I pray that our life will calm down soon, I know I need to pray that I can "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Here's to the race and adventure continuing...