Ah, Maine.

 And suddenly life got a whole lot sweeter.

 This summer has been crazy. We moved from NYC into my parents' home for 6 weeks, then moved into our awesome new home that we love more and more every day (come visit!), and both worked hellish jobs such that we were literally counting down the hours until they were over.

A week ago Wednesday, at 5 p.m., we both left our summer jobs for the last time, welcomed a sweet babysitter into our home to watch Will, and went out to celebrate. A nice dinner at an outdoor table, a little shopping, some batting practice :-), and coffee and frozen yogurt that tasted like freedom.

We made it.

WE REALLY MADE IT!!!!

Remember when I wrote back in June that the finish line kept getting pulled back and back and back and I was so ready to just feel settled and not in a million places all at the same time?

Well, 36 hours after our date, we were on a plane to Maine, which I am hereafter renaming Heaven. 

And as we sat on the plane, our sweet and healthy Will between us and a settled house in Louisville and summer jobs over and good jobs awaiting us at the beginning of the school year, I took a deep breath, smiled, and finally stopped running toward the finish line. We crossed it, baby. We quit our awesome jobs in Chattanooga and moved to NYC and Clay got his degree and we worked a million little jobs to make it happen and...it happened. Ah, we DID IT!!

And this is the view from the finish line:

(aka the view from the front porch of the house in Maine)

 We're all so happy here!

 Our days were full of reading and relaxing and swimming in the ocean and eating Kay's amazing cooking and watching the Olympics and playing playing playing.

 Will even learned to play paddleball, giving his sweet daddy a hug after he hit the ball:

 Sweetness.

 And then John arrived from Azerbaijan and Heaven got even MORE perfect.

AND he brought NYC bagels with him. 

I have the BEST brother-in-law ever.

 Ah, it was so nice to be with Pat, Kay, and John again.

 And from the minute Will saw "Unk Nyun," he wouldn't let him out of his sight.

 Love all the hats (although Will wasn't loving his at the time)

 Brothers.

 

Maine was beyond perfect.

School meetings start tomorrow...I'm back in the classroom, baby! 

Here we go!!

A Letter from Mama

* I don't know if it's the Colorado theatre shooting or the approach of school (and thus a new schedule for our family) or the fun news that lots of my friends are pregnant, but I looked into Will's eyes today and wanted more than anything for him to know how I feel about him right now. So I thought I would record today's love here.

Dearest Will,

You are a gift from God to me. We have had a summer of you and me, buddy, because Daddy is working hard at a construction job to help make our transition from NYC to Louisville comfortable and possible. You and me, we eat breakfast together (we're lucky if it's Mimi's pumpkin bread), and then we head out the door to Anna and Abby's house (you saying "Ab-by! Ab-by!" all the way there) so that I can help take of them too. But the reality, sweet little boy that you are, is that you have been taking care of me this entire year, really ever since you were born. We arrive at their house and you are happy and smiling and willing to go along with whatever they want to do. You are as curious about toy horses and lip gloss as you are about legos and trains, and just when I think you are completely absorbed in your exploration, you run to me and throw your arms around my legs and say "mama! mama!"and hold your discovery up in the air for me to see. It never gets old, love. I embrace these moments and embrace you every second I get and am genuinely excited about whatever you find in your constantly growing understanding of the world. I see things with new eyes because of you, I care less about myself and silly things because of you, I care more about other people because you awakened me to the reality that everyone is someone's beautiful child, someone's world like you are mine.

We are trying to transition you to a big boy bed these days, and while you love the idea of it ("big bed"), you aren't catching onto the need to stay in said bed. Today, at nap time while Anna and Abby were downstairs, you climbed into your big boy bed (how are you old enough for this already? when did you grow so?), pulled the covers up around you, and then patted the space beside you. "Mama. Mama." I laid down next to you, you snuggled up beside me so that our foreheads were touching, and then you closed your eyes. And for the millionth time since you were born, I felt you giving me a taste of heaven. Thank you for giving me such love.

Every afternoon, we play in the living room, keeping one eye out for Daddy to arrive home and for us to rush out the door and giggle with total joy that our favorite person is home with us again. He climbs out of the car, I fall in love with him all over again, and my heart overwhelms with love for you two. With loyal Camden by our feet, our family is beyond blessed. And then we walk through the front door together as a family and joy ensues once again. Every moment of every day is full and fun with you.

Daddy and I say that we couldn't imagine a better kid for us. And that's what makes us excited for our friends who are welcoming little ones of their own. Sure, the days will be long and the nights will be longer, and simple tasks like showering and going to the store will never be nearly as easy or relaxing, but we can't wait to see how their little ones are going to be perfect for them. You are perfect for us, Will. You are friendly and positive and excited to learn and content doing whatever we all need to do. You go with the flow as long as we do it together. And in this way, you keep me and Daddy going when the to-do list seems endless. This past year, we moved to NYC and lived a simple life in a very complicated town. And we three grew so, so close. Your daddy and I have been a team from the start, and you are now an essential and life-giving member of our team. And sure, we love you because you are our son, but really we love you because of who you already are and who you are becoming: a loving, thoughtful, grateful, fun little boy who loves seeing the world as long as you are holding our hand or sitting on our hip. That's a good thing, too, because we can't get enough of holding you and kissing you and smelling your soft skin.

I hear of stories of a 4 year old getting shot on a Bronx playground or a 6 year old losing her life in a movie theatre and my heart breaks every time. Those stories never went in one ear and out the other, but because of you, they now never leave my thoughts. I think of their parents. I just can't imagine. I remember when I told Jane Henegar that I was pregnant and she wrote me a card that said "Get ready. You are about to experience what it feels like to have your heart walk around outside of your body." She's a wise woman who speaks the truth. Your Daddy has my heart, and you have my heart too. You make me want to help all children feel loved and protected and special, and you make me want to help other mamas and daddys out there help make their kids' dreams come true. So many people have been generous and supportive of us this past year, staying in touch with us even though we had moved and sending you gifts to bring you joy while most of your toys and books were packed away in Chattanooga, and I will forever be grateful to those people. I will always be supportive of libraries because the NYC Morningside Heights branch gave you an endless supply of books and an awesome guitar-playing toddler song leader every Tuesday. But mostly I look at every mom and dad now, young and old, and have such respect for them. Becoming a parent has been the greatest lesson in humility and perspective and selflessness and endurance and strength that I have ever known. I know the responsibility I have to you to do my best every day, and yet I am oh so aware that I have miles to go before I even come close to being the mother you deserve. But the beauty is that you love me just the way I am and you love me through the becoming. And I love you as you are becoming the amazing person you are. Just like your Daddy (which was one of the many reasons I wanted to marry him), you make me want to be better, every day.

I've had a lot of great teachers in my life, but you already have taught me more than any of them. You've taught me to slow down, to love enthusiastically, to be grateful, to take time to rest, and to believe in the goodness of other people. I'm grateful to you, I'm grateful for you, my little buddy, and I hope you always know that in this busy, unpredictable, full world in which we live together, you are my joy and my peace. I love you, I love your Daddy, and I will do my best to show you both that love every day I am lucky enough to wake up to your smiling faces.

Already looking forward to tomorrow,
mama

A Perfect Day

 Playing

 Going down slides on our tummy (because that's the ONLY way to do it)

 Seeing Mimi

 Swimming in the pool

(thank you so much, Ellen!!)

 time with Daddy

 Will has started saying "I shush you, Daddy" whenever Clay says, "I love you, Will."

It's the sweetest thing.

When I say "I love you, Will," guess what I hear?

Yup, "I shush you, Daddy." 

One day...:-)

 How is my little boy THIS big??

 National Ice Cream Day=sale at Graeter's. 

Will loved his first Chocolate Chip :-)

End with a trip to Slugger Field to watch the Louisville Riverbats win

and chalk today up as perhaps the best day ever.

Home Sweet Home

Did I lose you? Because, man, it's been a long time since I loved on this blog! Let me show and tell you why...

In the past month...

We house hunted all over the Derby City, stalked "For Rent" signs and Craigslist, convinced someone planning on selling their house to rent it to us instead, put in an application five minutes after walking through the place, signed a lease and moved our of my parents' house (God bless you, Mom and Dad--they're saints, I tell you) into our new home (!!!!) within a week. HGTV's House Hunters is fun. Real house hunters is not as fun, especially when you've usually got three kids in tow (more on that later). But man, WE LOVE OUR NEW HOME. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

 We ate a lot of applesauce. Mom (aka me) wasn't as focused on healthy, balanced meals this month. We were doing well to get calories in our precious first born.

 We held two lemonade stands. Who's this, you ask? One of the two girls I am nannying for this summer. How's it going, you ask? It's interesting.

 Will kept growing bigger. And he spent a lot of time in his car seat, making up for the months he didn't have one in NYC.

 We drew a lot of pictures. This is in our kitchen!! We have a breakfast nook in our kitchen!! Ah, I love our house!!!!

 We welcomed Uncle Tony to Louisville and took him on a tour of the city and ended at Waterfront Park downtown. Louisville, you do parks right.

 We played in the water since we experienced a heat wave of ten straight days in 100+ degree weather. What was Clay doing during most of this time? Working construction. My husband is a badass.

 We had so much fun setting up Will's new room, unpacking a million boxes that had been in storage or my parents' basement for over a year, and feeling like Christmas had come in July. When I opened up three--THREE--boxes of books for Will that had been in boxes for a year, I about cried. He's got a full bookshelf again, full of the greatest stories and drawings. FULL BOOKSHELVES. Yup, that's heaven, friends. That's Gahan heaven.

 We went shopping. Three trips (and counting) to Target and other excursions to Trader Joe's, consignment shops, three straight weekends of yard sales (bought a $3 cooler. woot woot!), and of course a million online sites. We bought the couch above. Love it.

 We put it in our new living room.

Our new living room.

Can you see me smiling as I am reading this?

More house pics to come.

 And then we, as our own little family, on the spur of the moment, decided to go to a baseball game. People, you have NO idea how BIG a deal this is. Our lives have been INSANE for weeks. Between Clay working full time and tutoring at night and me nannying during the day and teaching online at night (hence no blog posts) and, oh right, moving in and trying to prep for the upcoming school year, and oh yeah, being PARENTS, there has been no room for spontaneous or recreation. And then suddenly there was. And the three of us headed to the game like it was totally normal. And my heart SUNG.

 I don't know how we got here. But we made it. And I love my family so much my heart hurts sometimes.

 And then Clay and Will climbed a rock near our house and then we all three (four including Cam) waded in a creek until we heard from some guy that the creek was dirtier than a toilet bowl and pointed out the signs that said "TOXIC" and then we all went home and took long showers.

And in between all this, we...
...prayerfully considered and interviewed and toured childcare options for Will only to be given exactly the perfect situation for him next year. Hallelujah. He will be in a great preschool 2 days/week, with my amazing mother 1 day/week, and then in the loving home of one of my oldest friends, who also has a 2 year old. Perfect. You have no idea how much time I thought about his care. After being with him and knowing his sweet disposition inside and out this past year, I wanted him to have just the right care next year. We are so blessed this worked out so well.
...dogsat for two other dogs for ten days.
...cut a boxspring in half and then put it back together again (okay, that was Clay, and man, it was impressive).
...saw an awesome play with our friend as one of the leads (way to go, Neill!)
...exercised at an awesome gym in Louisville
...went to a super fun dinner party with future collegues
...washed clothes for FREE in our very own washer and dryer. No more $1.25 loads for us!
...took a lot of videos and not as many pictures.
...organized all of Will's clothes ages newborn to 2 years in bins in my parents' basement.
...went for a walk in our neighborhood only to be attacked by a stray boxer. Poor Camden got a little bite taken out of him!
...had a lot of margaritas (courtesy of the frozen bucket in the fridge that my sweet husband brought home one day).
...bought a twin bed frame after the third consecutive night waking up to Will's frantic screams because he was hanging off the side of his crib. Good thing we (really, you) assembled that crib.
...watched The Bachelorette. It's my guilty pleasure.
...almost finished the book I LOVE and started back in, uh, April...(Cutting for Stone)
...bought plane tickets for Maine in August!
...used our dishwasher and loved every easy minute of it
...sat on the couch, looked around, hugged each other and watched our son play in front of us, and realized that we were so, so, so very happy.

Overwhelmed with happy.