My Healthy Sick Day

On my way to check out the "Vows" and "Dining" sections of the NYTimes tonight (I am grading my fourth class of annotated bibliographies and desperately needed a reminder of interesting yet thoughtful reading...and yes, I confess, these are two of my favorite sections), I came across the Motherlode blog. Here is what she had to say today:

The Co-operative supermarket chain polled 3000 customers and found that after everything else was subtracted, working parents have 90 minutes a day “to themselves.”

The poll breaks down the average day as follows:

Get up 6:42am
Get ready (shower, dress, coffee) 55 minutes
Get children ready 47 minutes
Commute to work 52 minutes
Working day 7 hours
Pick children up 33 minutes
Makes / eat dinner 46 minutes
Children’s play and bedtime 1 hour 9 minutes
Household chores 1 hour 13 minutes
Work from home 1 hour 12 minutes
Go to bed 10:45pm
Spare time = 1hour 30 minutes a day

What is it that parents miss most? Here’s what they told pollsters:

1. Spend more time with the children – 48 per cent
2. Read books – 37 per cent
3. Do more exercise – 34 per cent
4. Put feet up in front of the TV – 32 per cent
5. A lie in – 31 per cent
6. Go to the pub – 30 per cent
7. Have a better sex life – 26 per cent
8. Meet friends – 25 per cent
9. Take a walk in the park with their partner – 22 per cent
10. Go to the cinema – 19 per cent

This is SO what I have been thinking about lately. Clay was away at church and dorm obligations all weekend, so I anticipated getting TONS of schoolwork and housework done. What was I thinking? Before I knew it, my Saturday had been consumed with feeding #1 (at 6:30 a.m.), working out with Ashley while Will happily (he is AMAZING) played on the floor mat, feeding #2, trip to Publix, feeding #3, naptime, cleaning the house during naptime and quickly talking to a friend, feeding #4 (including "solid" food, which is always an adventure), a beautiful walk around campus, meeting Clay for dinner in the dining hall, feeding #5, bathtime, bedtime, laundry, and then a little schoolwork. I think I watched the same HouseHunters twice at 10 and then again at midnight just because I didn't really remember the first time--and because I didn't really care. My brain couldn't get excited about starting grading or prepping at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night, and I was eager to do anything to stay awake past 10 p.m. just so I could prove that I still can. Clearly, my life is radically different from the days when I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to...

I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Will continues to be the greatest gift and joy I have ever known. Every day at 3 p.m. is still like Christmas. But while I immediately enjoyed the new role of "mama," I didn't realize just how much "Sara" was going to have to adjust and change too. Long phone conversations with friends just don't happen much anymore. My professional and personal emails have become much shorter and to the point. I don't hang out with my dear colleagues during the day anymore (no time). Workouts need to be hard core or else I just don't get enough out of them. I have been to the movies once since Will was born. And time to just write or think or read is precious. I now realize how important it is to do all of these things to help me feel healthy and my best self, but I have to be pretty intentional about when and where they take place. I exercise in the mornings when Clay and Will are both still asleep. I grade as much as I can during the school day so I don't have to bring a lot of work home. I talk to friends while I clean the house or when we go for long walks. I rent movies.

So when I didn't feel great last week and was nursing a sore throat, cough, and fever on Sunday, I did what the old "Sara" would have never done: I called in sick. Yesterday, Will went to Carla's, Clay went to work, and I stayed at home in my PJ's and graded papers all day. Not a single interruption for hours. It was blissful. I really did get a lot done. But at 3 p.m., I was ready to jump back into it, ready to scoop Will up into my arms and take him and Camden for a good walk, ready to be Mrs. Gahan in my classroom again, ready to wake up early and move through my glorious days. It was just the break I needed, but it was also a beautiful reminder that my non-sick days are full with activities and people I love. I know I am not my best self most days, but I am realizing that my "self" is also growing immensely right now.

I think I have more than 90 minutes to myself every day, so I guess I should consider myself lucky. That said, I think that it is in the moments when I am focused on things outside of my self that I feel most alive.

Now back to those papers...