September

We're back to school, and that means life is full and busy, and I am loving it. Will's started Hi-Ho preschool, and Clay and I are almost a month into our classes. We run to school after dropping Will off and run to pick him up at the end of the day and then run errands all while I am not really actually running for exercise all the time yet, but hey, we're doing it. And we're together. And as I keep learning, that's what ultimately and permanently matters most to me.

This weekend I buzzed down to Chattanooga to help host one of my best friends' baby showers. Two of my closest friends in Chattanooga are due (one boy, one girl) one day apart from each other in October, and while I hate hate hate that I am missing all the casual talks and walks and chats and baby kicks that come with being there for them physically, I loved soaking up time with them yesterday as they anticipate the amazing moment they each meet their little one and then all the glorious moments after that. I love them, I love their husbands, and I already love their sweet little babies. Sweet time.

But it was the moments around the shower for which I am grateful:

1. It POURED the whole way down to Chattanooga, and I had left early Saturday morning after watching Downton Abbey's season two finale (so good!) with Clay the night before, so I was hurting to stay alert and awake. I called my about-to-be-showered-friend and she talked me into Chattanooga, telling me all about her pregnancy and life and dreams, and as I drove closer and closer to her, I felt closer and closer to her, and I couldn't help but remember those constant moments of anticipation when I felt Will kick in my belly and when I opened up tiny little outfits for the baby I had yet to meet. And then I think of Will now, and my heart bursts with love. I loved him already then--but I love him with all that I am now. He really is my heart walking around outside my body.

2. Clay and I never really let ourselves think about having another child while we were in NYC. But now that we are in Louisville and starting new jobs and we have a home and Will is 2, I find myself thinking about it a lot. And when I think about it, I think about both how lucky we all would be to have another sweet one in our family and how it just doesn't feel like the right time. And I couldn't pinpoint why until I was in the car with Ashley Saturday night, and as usually happens when I am with Ashley, suddenly my thoughts found the right words. I pray that our family grows in the future and that we have a life full of crazy love and loving crazy, but I want to feel like there is room in our lives for another child, and the honest truth is that right now I just don't feel there is. Because of dear Will, I now know not only how demanding and consuming parenthood can be, but also I know how much love you feel for your child, how you would do anything for them, how you want to be there for them, how you want them to feel not necessarily super special but definitely super loved. Children deserve to know they are gifts from God and that they are priorities, top priorities, in their parents' lives. And so when Will is the first kid dropped off at preschool early-care in the mornings and the last to be picked up from extended day in the afternoons, I know in my heart that we aren't there yet. Until then, I am so content and grateful and complete.

3. As I drove into Chattanooga, I immediately missed it something fierce. And while of course I miss the people the most, the longer I drove around, the more I realized that so much of that feeling was tied up in feeling a sense of belonging. I KNEW Chattanooga. I knew the running trails and the best bakery in town and the schools and the doctors and the shortcuts through neighborhoods. It was our first home as a married couple and thus it still felt like our home to me. I could have driven up to our old house at McC and tried the lock on the door, that's how familiar it felt.

But then Sunday morning came and I woke up knowing that my home is wherever my boys are. I was on the road by 8:30. And as the miles between me and Chattanooga grew, I felt more and more at peace knowing I was headed in the right direction.

4. I listened to This I Believe: Vol. 2 on my way home. I LOVE this series. And for every one I listened to, I thought of five "I Believe" statements of my own. Here are a few:

I believe in going after your dreams.
I believe in my husband.
I believe sweat can heal most stress.
I believe grandparents are gifts from God.
I believe it is never a mistake to be generous.
I believe all good parents are selfless heroes.
I believe a new outfit really can make you feel better.
I believe words matter.
I believe in fate.
I believe in listening to people's stories.
I believe certain people come into our lives at certain moments for very specific reasons.

I came home on Sunday after a quick but joyful 18 hours in Chattanooga and immediately fell back into my new rhythm. And then I thought: I have a rhythm. And it includes so many good things, like teaching and running and being with the family I love more than anything. It's been a year without a real rhythm. Hooray for rhythms!

Can't wait to meet these babies!!

Love love love to you all from Louisville!