Work-Will Balance

I just got out of a meeting in which the leader changed the meeting time to 3:15 instead of during school. It happened in a split second, everyone nodded their heads in agreement, and then the next item on the agenda was addressed.

Inside, I was breaking out in hives.

Dang it if the very day when I feel like I am finally hitting a rhythm and achieving some sense of balance hits me with a curve ball that I don't want to hit.

Changing the meeting time means asking our sweet friend Katie to watch Will one MORE hour, to change her day to accomodate mine, to accept our paltry offering of one more hour of pay just so we can go to a meeting that could have happened during school hours. I know I need to make decisions as a working mom, I know I can't be in two places at once, I know every day isn't going to be a perfect balance. But man, our culture and places of employment need to at least show understanding and support to families with two working parents.

Will's preschool is from 8:45-11:45. Not going to work. So we sign him up for early care (starting at 8) and late care (until 3) but that STILL doesn't cover a normal working day. Every church we have visited politely directs us towards the nursery when we approach, and dang it if I didn't break down in tears this last Sunday (Will, too) when we tried to drop him off.

So I said no. I stood there in the hallway of the church childcare and I said no. I am not dropping him off any more than I have to, I'm not being away from him any longer than I have to, I'm not volunteering or signing up for anything extra. I told myself at the beginning of this year that my goal this year was to do two things well: the job I was hired for and being a mama to Will. Those are two full time jobs. I'm not tackling anything else. I am learning to say no.

But the fact that working mamas have to find the courage to say no to their bosses, to their friends, to opportunities that might advance their careers or develop them personally is really, really frustrating. It's a daily decision I have to make. Saying no happens on a daily basis. I am much happier for saying it, but at the moment, it is tough.

I will forever better understand working mamas (and daddies) and show them more grace and understanding than I ever did when I was young and all I did was work work work. I am embarrassed to say that I even thought mamas who said no were weak and selfish. Now I know they are among the most powerful, thoughtful, and determined people on the planet.

Thank God for weekends. For my mother. For the example of women everywhere who have been saying no and somehow finding a balance for years. I have a lot to learn from them.