Sometimes, love chooses you

Every day, when I come home from school, something magical happens.

 I rush over to Will and Grant, give Will a huge hug, scoop Grant into my arms, and wait. 

And then there it comes: An ear-to-ear grin from our second born. 

He curls into a little ball, burrows his head into my neck, and then coos the softest, sweetest coo these ears have ever heard. We lock eyes again and boom, the smile returns. 

And then when I put him down and walk away, this is what happens:

Pick him up and suddenly we're back to this:

 And I know he might do this for everyone, but it doesn't matter because HE SMILES FOR ME.

He knows me. And while he might be smiling because he knows I bring milk, I prefer to think that he smiles because he actually LIKES me. Because he has faith in me as his mama. Because he belongs to me and I belong to him. Because at the root and heart of it all is LOVE. 

I now beautifully believe that sometimes love chooses you, that you can run, hide, focus on other things, doubt yourself, and feel overwhelmed by it all, but then it sneaks in, taps you on the shoulder, and surprises you all over again. At times in my life, I have been afraid and hesitant to love. But that love keeps showing up--because that is what love does. It keeps showing up. 

Earlier this week, I was feeling discouraged about things at work and the fact that I was going to need a root canal (ah, this year has kicked my butt), and I left for school feeling a little defeated. I really did think for a moment, "what is the point of all this?"

And then I looked back at our little house. There was Will, looking out the window at me, both hands pressing against the glass. And then he blew me a kiss. 

Yup, that's the meaning of life for me these days. Will's kiss and Grant's smile.

Embedded in both of them is love that I don't deserve, instinctual loyalty, and a faith that the big picture is stunningly beautiful even when all we can see is a single blurry pixel. 

 This year, Will cannot wait for the Easter bunny to arrive. 

I cannot wait to be reminded once again that this world is magical when you choose to see it that way.

 I am BLESSED.