Merry Christmas!

Trusting, Believing, and Waiting

It's the magical season of Advent, and New York City is glowing with excitement. I loved the warm weather of late summer and the changing leaves of fall, but December in NYC might be my favorite. Everywhere we turn, lights are strung from trees, Christmas carols play over loudspeakers, and holiday markets have popped up at every major intersection. It's finally gotten consistently cold (and let me tell you: this city LOVES its boots. All the girls wear these days is knee-high boots, ankle-high boots, and Uggs), so it really FEELS like Christmas.

In the midst of TC holiday parties and moms' group cookie exchanges and beautiful services of Lessons and Carols (I love Redeemer Presbyterian more every single week--talk about a church that knows what people need, my gosh), Clay and I have been learning a lot.

Some good lessons, some tough lessons.

My tutoring post has been disappointing as of late: the project that James and I worked on for over two months didn't get selected for the finals of the competition, and while that may sound like life, it was a blow considering we had invested so much time, energy, and resources into it. And I know I am biased, but man, it was an AWESOME presentation on Donatello's Il Zuccone.

I have been thinking about why this competition's results affected me so much, and I think there are several reasons, but one is that my work with James is the most focused and intentional teaching I am doing this year. When he does poorly on something we worked on, I can't help but feel like I not only failed him, but that I also failed myself. It's weird, but the work that I am doing this year leaves very little room for feedback. Will isn't yet able to communicate with me (and I have a feeling "Thanks, Mom, for the ways you love me" is a long way off anyways), my online teaching is no-news-is-good-news, and the editing stuff isn't very original nor creative.

I think I also felt some pressure to prove that I was worth the money they have been paying me. I know I need to let go of that pressure, but I also know that I need to help James do better than he would on his own. Tutoring, like every job, has its pros and cons.

Clay has been working so hard for over a month now on his job search (and he is ROCKING his classes--all A's!), and we are learning several things about the nature of educational leadership in private schools. Among those lessons is that its tough to break into an administrative role if you haven't had many administrative responsibilities before. Some schools offer lots of opportunities for teachers to gain this experience, some schools have very limited leadership roles. Kudos to the schools that give their teachers chances to grow and lead and innovate while still teaching in the classroom. I think leadership and advancement opportunities for faculty is a crucial element of a school's success and longevity. Teachers who grow lead to students who grow.

We are also learning that many schools are promoting from within, which is both good and bad. It's great in the sense that it gives teachers dedicated to the school a chance to evolve as educators. It's bad in the sense that it tougher for outsiders to break in.

The fact that all this is happening during Advent couldn't be more perfect.

Similar to the expectation that is such a huge part of Advent, we are learning that we need to TRUST that the work we are doing (me with James and Clay with grad school) is going to lead to great growth and success in the future.

We must also BELIEVE that something greater than what we know now is in store for us.

We must believe that we are here for a reason, working on these projects for a reason, dealing with disappointing results for a reason.

But what we have discussed most recently is the reality that we must WAIT to fully realize that growth. Education is not an immediate input-output endeavor. It's a long-term investment that steadily and consistently rewards those who dedicate themselves to learning and working hard.

This year has been full of ups and downs for us individually--but not as a family.

I think its also appropriate (and hopefully not sacrilegious of me to say) that Advent is all about stopping our focus on the world around us and instead turning to the light and life that a little boy will provide. For sure, Will is not Jesus :-), but he does daily remind me that my most important work IS a steady, consistent, lifetime dedication to loving him. When I am disappointed over something that happened in the past or anxious about what our life will look like in the future, all I have to do is look at our sweet Will and once again realize that I already hit the jackpot. He brings such joy and purpose and perspective to my life, and for that I will always be grateful to him.

At the end of the day, simply nothing is as important to me as the health and happiness of our little guy. Man, that's freeing.

It's also why I was so scared last week when Will got really sick for the first time in his life. No food or sleep for over three days can really alter a toddler--and make his parents feel both helpless and exhausted. Luckily, he is all better now!

So in this season of expectation, we thank God for all of the people (YOU!), lessons, and experiences in our lives this year.

Oh, and we also thank God for family pictures in which one of us isn't smiling or looking at the camera (of which there are A LOT)

And for the NY Botanical Gardens, which is AWESOME!!

All of these sculptures of NYC landmarks are made out of twigs and leaves and other natural materials. Wow.

And for Pinterest, of which I am now obsessed (and which continues to feed my craving for a sewing machine so I can make quilts and clothes and bags..ah, someday, right?)

And for Trader Joe's, the best grocery store I have ever seen.

And for sleep. After last week, I'll never take it for granted again.

And for gingerbread men.

And for BUBBLES! Yup, they are still his favorite thing in the whole wide world!

Happy Holidays!!

An eventful week in cell phone pics!

My dear new friend (and photographer--how awesome!) Maresa snapped this one of us today.

I am always so grateful when people take pictures of me and Will :-). What a gift to a mama.

LOVE playing in the leaves :-)

Thanksgiving!

Sweet (and rare) family picture!

Love love LOVE.

Aunt Carol and Uncle Tony sent us an insanely awesome package this week...

A HOMEMADE, KNITTED ADVENT CALENDAR.

Does Will have the best godparents OR WHAT??

We are IN LOVE with our new advent calendar. Thank you, Carol!!!!!

Will wants me to pick him up every day so he can carefully look inside every day's bag.

Ashley was here!!

We checked out the Rockefeller Christmas tree.

Notice Will's head? Yup, he had not one but TWO confrontations with the sidewalk this week. Poor guy. He looked like he had been beaten...lots of people gave me weird looks. I kept having to reassure people that I don't hurt my child!

Sweet Ashley.

Terrible picture of me (dude, anyone want to make me over? I need someone to help me with hair, makeup, and clothes!) but a sweet one of Will.

Checking out the very cool Lego store.

Will's first croissant.

Nope, don't adjust your screens. This isn't Will. This is Mac. We LOVE Mac. His mama was the one who took the first picture of me above. Mac is 1 year old and has become a big buddy of Will's (and Mom, check out his pajamas! Mac the Moose!!)

On Tuesday nights, Maresa and I babysit four toddlers while their parents (and our spouses) are in law class. It's two and a half hours of fun insanity.

Going for a walk in Riverside Park today.

Who needs sleep?

I swear I have wanted to blog about a million and one things in the past week: our trip to the Botanical Gardens, our Thanksgiving dinner with new friends, our playdates in the parks since the weather has been so nice (y'all are chomping at the bit to hear about all this, I know)...

But life this past week has been slightly INSANE.

So before I actually lose my mind and thus won't be able to write about any of it, I thought I would document some of our happenings:

* Last weekend, Clay was sick.

* He's tough, but it was our first break of the school year, and we could both use some rest. Oh well...I devour Unbroken when we are low-key. Best book I have read in a long, long time. I LOVED it. Go read it. Really. It's unbelievable. If I had more time, I would write more about it. Maybe one day.

* Running workouts have stunk this week as I haven't been able to get significant ones in. So on Tuesday, Will and I decide we will run to Trader Joe's (50 blocks away), grocery shop, and then run back. Get a run in, save $4.50 on subway money, get Will some fresh air...I check the weather channel to find that rain won't begin until "at least 3 p.m." Will and I buy $90 worth of groceries (at TJ's, that's a lot of groceries, mind you), rearrange them all on the stroller or in my hands, and head back to Riverside Park to run home. That's when the skies decide to open up and POUR the rest of the way home, getting me and most of the groceries soaking wet. Luckily I had the rain cover for the stroller, so Will was fine, but man, I was cursing the weather channel.

*Babysat for three toddlers on Tuesday night. I needed a drink when Clay got home.

* Then Will caught a virus that started innocently enough but soon had us crying for mercy as his temp rose to 103 degrees and he refused both sleep and food for 48 hours and counting (it's 10: 30 here and he JUST went down...here's hoping we get at least a couple hours in a row tonight).

* Called the grandparents. Thank God for grandparents. They told us to call the doctor.

* Called the doctor. Went immediately. Diagnosis: virus. Keep on keeping' on, he said. Just don't give him alcohol. Thanks, Doc. Point noted. But can I have some?

* In the midst of this, an opportunity comes out of left field for me to edit someone's manuscript by the end of the week. Do I accept? Of course. Why? Because I am a glutton for punishment.

* Meanwhile, I get an email from the CEO of the new business whose website I am writing content for. She's in China, but she needs the content for the site done by the end of the week. I know all about green building materials, right?

* STILL meanwhile, the student I am tutoring has THE biggest assignment/presentation of the year due, so I am putting in extra time with him to help it come together. His mom has been a judge of this competition for the past five years, so the pressure's on...

* Did I mention that Clay and I have both been applying for jobs and signing up with three educational search agencies and filling out a million forms about where we want to live (somewhere), what job would be ideal (one that pays), and what teaching means to us (I mean, where do I start?)

* I also set a deadline of Dec. 1 for me to order Xmas cards since not many people know our current address and I LOVE getting Christmas cards in the mail and hope hope hope some people will notice our new address on our envelopes and send them along to the right place...

* But ordering Christmas cards means sorting through a million pictures, critiquing how I look in all of them, editing them, and then organizing them. Of course. I can't do things easily, no.

* Since Will was sick, I missed the mom's group this past Wednesday, but I had signed up to bring bagels for snack, so I strapped Will in, ran to the bakery, ran to the mom's group, and ran home. Hope the bagels were good.

* My new online course started yesterday. 15 new students, all sending me emails yesterday. I stopped checking my email.

BUT it IS December first, and that means I get to open the first day of the chocolate advent calendar. The day ends on a sweet note!

So now I am on page 64 of this 112 page manuscript and am hoping to finish it tonight--if I don't fall asleep on the computer from a lack of sleep or from the glass of wine I am nursing. Cheers!

Update: 11:16: Will is crying. And you know the ONLY thought in my mind right now? I am so in love with him and can't wait to go in there and wrap my arms around him again. And I am so in love with his Daddy, too. Life is full--and for that, I am SO, SO blessed. Good night all. I'm off to comfort my angel.