Leonard Pitts, of the Miami Herald, came to speak earlier this week, which turned out to be one of several meaningful reminders of how I should live my life. He repeatedly urged the girls to "plant a tree," invoking the ancient proverb that says something like "The best communities are filled with people who plant trees knowing that they will never be able to enjoy the shade." Investing in the future--huh. We sure have been hearing a lot about investing these days. I feel like every time I drive to work and hear the news at the top of the hour on NPR, I am hearing more about the Wall St. bailout and Henry Paulson and foreclosures and collapsing companies. Investments gone wrong seems to be the talk of the town these days. And while I am trying hard to read and listen to everything I can get my hands on in relation to the economic "crisis" going on in my sister's backyard (and in fact in homes around the country), I have also been thinking a lot about other forms of investing.
Perhaps it is because we have a new puppy that I have been so aware lately of the need to invest time in other people. I'm a teacher--I'm never going to have gobs of money to invest in stocks and bonds...but I do have the ability to invest in young women and my colleagues. And I don't feel I am doing that to the best of my ability. I find myself sacrificing conversations with colleagues so I can get 5 more papers graded during lunch, sacrificing supporting three of my advisees in the High School Musical production THEY have invested so much time in because I can't find a totally free night to attend. I feel guilty all day long that Clay is taking the brunt of the responsibility for caring for Camden because I am not on campus--and as much as I want to play with him at night, I then feel guilty because I know I have so much work yet to do. It's an endless cycle. And I end up shortchanging everyone. Including me.
This hit me this afternoon when I went to the Driver's License Center to take a Commerical Driver's Test so I can drive buses for the CC team. I passed the school bus test, but then a surprise "general knowledge" test popped up and suddenly I felt completely clueless. Shifting tractor-trailer gears going up a mountain in snow? What? I muddled my way through the test only to get my results. Yup: failed. I could miss ten and still pass; I missed eleven. I got in my car, totally frustrated that I would have the make the trek back there next week to try again (time I don't have, right?). And then I forced myself to get a grip, look at the calendar, and find a time I would take this test again and pass it. Fifteen minutes later, I was home and enjoying a renewed perspective on things. Car rides are amazingly therapeutic.
And then I walked into our apartment and saw two things: a book on simple living that Clay agreed to read for a book club and sweet Camden. And it hit me--I have a choice about how I live this life and if I am not careful, I am going to let it drive me crazy and leave me empty. I want to invest more in other people; I also need to invest a little more in taking care of myself, physically, emotionally, and intellectually.
I am not sure what this is going to look like or how this will play out, but I am determined to have my life reflect more of my priorities. Simple living, quality time with the people I care most about, thoughtful reflection and interaction with others, doing the best I can with what I have where I am--and understanding that might mean not doing some other things at all. We constantly tell our students that they can't do everything and expect to do it all well--they will be miserable and unsuccessful. They must make choices. It's time I start practicing what I preach.
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