The Greatest Gift

First of all, thanks for the great feedback on the education post. More of those coming, especially since I have just finished a week of exams that my school made optional. Interesting.

The extra time during exam week and this week leading up to Christmas has made me especially focused on the true meaning of GIFT. I have always been a huge fan of Christmas: the holiday carols on the record player, running down the stairs in my PJ's to see full stockings and a bright Christmas tree, "O Holy Night" at the Christmas Eve service...Christmas is my favorite holiday, probably because I grew up with so many cherished traditions and have such fond memories involving family on that day every year. I remember waking up and literally shaking with excitement upon the instant realization that it was Christmas--yummy food, lots of presents, laughter with family. YES!

But this year the focus has completely changed for me. I am so, so aware that I have been given the greatest gift in my son. He is my ultimate gift, given to me every day when he wakes up with his beaming smile and hearty laugh, given to me every moment when he burrows his face into my neck and squeezes me tight, given to me every time people see him and remark how happy he is...it simply never loses its magic. I can't believe how in love I am. I fall in love over and over and over again. I am given a gift over and over and over again. He elevates everything I have ever known about love and gifts.

A family in town recently lost their 13 year-old son. They went in to wake him up for school and he wasn't breathing. When my neighbor told me this story, I lost it. I have never really been an emotional person, but Will has heightened my sense of life and love so much that I feel things so much deeper than I ever have before. And when I thought about those parents grieving the sudden loss of their son, I couldn't take it. I ached for them; I still ache for them. Even the notion of anything happening to Will paralyzes me.

Dr. William Petit was interviewed by Oprah a week or so ago, and while the interview haunted me, I couldn't pull myself away. I had just finished a unit on forgiveness with my seniors, and Dr. Petit's reflections on the brutal loss of his wife and two daughters added something to my own thoughts on forgiveness. But what stuck with me was when he said that when you lose a spouse, you are a widow/widower. When you lose a parent, you are an orphan. But when you lose a child...there's no word for that. I nodded my head and held Will tight. There's no word for that.

2010 has taught me a lot. One thing I know for sure now is that when it all comes down to it, family is what is most important. Will will be my greatest gift this Christmas. And he will be my greatest gift on Dec. 26, and on Dec. 27. If there is nothing under the Christmas tree for me this year or ever again (which I am sure my amazing family wouldn't allow), I would still be the happiest I have ever been on a Christmas morning because I will be holding Will. I will be seeing this glorious holiday through his eyes, striving to give him the beauty and joy of the season that my parents gave me. I don't deserve Will. Somehow I was given a healthy, beautiful, joyful baby boy that captured my heart at the moment of his birth and continues to hold it in his sweet hands to this day. I now want to live my life giving back.

Merry Christmas, dear friends. Know that you are great gifts in my life as well.

I am so blessed by your friendship. May you and yours have a joyful holiday.