jobs.

The big news today is that Steve Jobs died. It is all over Facebook, the news, and the papers. And while I didn't expect his death to generate so much response from the public, I totally get it. I am writing on an Apple computer as we speak, this summer we bought a second one for Clay because we knew we both would need and want one (and he says EVERYONE in his classes has an Apple computer), we both have and LOVE our iPhones, we both have iPods and use them almost every day, and I couldn't be more grateful for the ease of iPhoto. We are admitted Apple junkies.

But as I listened to Jobs's Stanford University Commencement Address last night and again today (every time it is on the news, I am transfixed; I can't turn it off), I felt like Jobs was speaking my language. I was inspired all over again--and again, and again.

Here are a few excerpts, followed by more lessons learned so far this year:

1. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

Many of you faithful readers know that I have struggled at times with this move, this change. This struggle has assumed different phases and faces, but this week I realized that part of my resistance stems from fear that I am fulfilling the (fading) stereotype that a woman, if necessary, will sacrifice her own career for the benefit of her family or the advancement of her husband's career. For 8 years, Clay and I were both English teachers, coaches, advisors, and Master's degree students. Then we started a family and Clay went back to school. These two changes forced me to also change, and while I am hesitant to be super excited about "re-inventing" myself because I have to admit that I liked being an English teacher and coach, I am also learning that it is okay to jump off the treadmill and try something new. Who knows what next year holds. I may return to the classroom, I may not. Part of that decision will hinge on opportunities and necessity, but part of it will also depend upon what all three of us learn this year about what makes us individually and collectively our best selves.

Clay doesn't expect me nor want me nor view me to be a woman whose main identity is that of his wife. Once I truly felt and knew that, I felt free to enjoy this time away from the classroom. It also replaced the heaviness with a lightness that enables me to see this time with Will as a gift, which it is.

To be clear, I LOVE this time with Will, I LOVE getting out of the classroom and back into the world, I LOVE waking up in the morning and not saying goodbye to my family at 5 am, I LOVE seeing new things and meeting new people and exploring New York City. I really am so happy. But I want to be honest, both for when I look back at this blog years later and for other women who might sense that same tension of a work-family balance: I was Sara Hume for 27 years before I became Sara Gahan. I was a teacher for 7 years before I became a mother. I wasn't a teacher because I was just biding time....I am passionate about education, about the future generations of our country, about the power of literature, and about supporting all of the amazing educators out there who work so hard for the benefit of young people. This passion didn't go away when I got married or had Will. New passions simply formed. I am lucky to love so much, and I know I have a whole life (hopefully) to fully demonstrate and realize those passions.

2. You can't the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

I have no doubt that this move was the right move for us. I have no doubt that it was the right time. I have total peace that "dot" is going to make so much sense when we connect the dots later.

3. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Another thing I know for sure: I hit the jackpot when I married Clay, and our life together just keeps getting better and better. I couldn't agree with Steve Jobs more: Keep looking until you find it. It's worth it. But I also think Clay and I would add that once you find it, your job is to keep making it magic. What you are looking for isn't necessarily a fixed point. I think one mark of knowing that you love what you do and love who you are with is that you are constantly experiencing those wow moments. I had one the other night when Clay and I were talking. I can't even remember what he said, but I do remember sitting there, listening to him, and thinking, "Wow. He amazed me yet again." Teaching in the classroom affords those moments, too. Not all the time, but they are there--and they are powerful.

4. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart....Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want

to become. Everything else is secondary.

In many ways, this blog is becoming a space for my inner voice. And this year is freeing me from what others think, because Lord knows that most people in NYC don't care what I think :-). I used to think riding on the subway was such a cold, empty experience, but now I love it: I can let myself think. No one is even trying to connect. And this is so freeing. We are all smushed in a subway car together but most people don't say a word the entire ride. In this tiny space, we aren't worried what those around us think. Most people are too tired to care. But as we go from one place to another, we have these precious minutes in a crowded subway car to retreat underground and escape for a minute. No wonder the subways are so popular; I think we all need these inner retreats so we can listen to our own voices for a minute.

I love this speech, and I am grateful to Steve Jobs for living a life true to himself and full of vision.