Anna!

Anna and I have led parallel lives. She went to Kenyon (so did Clay), then she moved to Saint James (where I worked from 2003-2007), then she moved to Nashville to get her master's at Vanderbilt (while I was in Chattanooga), and now she lives and works in Brooklyn as an awesome Associate Director of Admissions. She also spends the summers in Maine. In a nutshell, Anna and I were meant to be friends! I love Anna. Her enthusiasm for life, her selfness care of others, and her ability to have fun doing anything make her a joy to be around. She had never met Will, but upon his birth she sent Will her own favorite children's books (I mean, we LOVE Anna!) and she has been faithfully following and commenting on the blog for years, so we picked right back up without missing a beat.

Today we explored yet another new destination: Bryant Park. This park is located immediately behind the NYPublicLibrary, so it is designed to be full of endless comfortable places to sit down and enjoy a good book. Somehow, a block-wide park felt cozy--amazing. It also has a sweet carousel that Anna and I took Will on...and thank God Anna was around when a grandfather started walking away with my stroller! I chased after him, Anna watched Will try to eat gravel, and we laughed and enjoyed marveling over how wonderful it is to be close to each other once again.

Will wasn't so sure of the carousel...

...but he loves snack time...

...and he especially loves tasti d'lite and hugs from Anna!

Thank you, dear Anna, for coming to play with us today!

And now for a few random cell phone pics I just discovered I never transferred to my computer:

Prepping for the Columbia football game.

LOVE this Columbia hoodie Mimi bought us!

Trying to get away from Daddy's tender tugs at the Children's Museum of Manhattan on Friday evening.

Toys R Us on Mommy's 31st Birthday!

Library Storytime. Will CANNOT sit still during this interactive session. Check out his reaction to the final event in the story time sessions: BUBBLES!

WILL LOVES LOVES LOVES bubbles!!

("Mom, stop taking pictures of me!")

Terrible picture, but his face is so priceless here. He SQUEALS with excitement over bubbles.

He also loves his little house in the basement playroom of our building.

Weekend=touchdown!

We had a great weekend in the city!

The weather was AMAZING (80's!), the time together was special, and the discoveries were endless.

On Saturday, at kind of the last minute (who does anything last minute with a toddler?), we decided to head to the Bronx to cheer on the Columbia football team as they took on (and lost to) Sacred Heart University. Some of Clay's cohorts organized a little tailgate before the game, which turned out to be super laid back and easy since Columbia gives any students over 21 FOUR FREE beers just for attending the game. Why, you might wonder? Because no one goes to the games! Sure, it's a 20 minute shuttle bus ride away, and perhaps NYC offers a few other things to do on a gorgeous Saturday, and yes, the Columbia football team is TERRIBLE this year, but hey, FOUR FREE beers? I don't even like beer and I was excited!

The picture above is of Will walking towards Doug, another cohort member and our new friend!

Not so sure about these Popeye biscuits.

Studying the game together. It's serious business.

A picture of the field just to prove we were there :-).

We have also been enjoying the INSANELY yummy food that NYC has to offer.

Last night Clay and I went out on a date (holla babysitting co-op!) to this yummy establishment in Little India. Rosemary Naan is to die for! Our date was heaven.

And then today we had another fun day together exploring our new home!

Our sweet friend Blair had emailed me her awesome list of things to do in NYC, and at the top of the list was the Shake Shack. The very night I got her email, Clay and I watched "Something Borrowed," which features this restaurant throughout its New York happy setting.

We had to go.

But so did the rest of New York City THE WORLD.

The line was over an hour long, which I am sure is totally worth it, but hey, we were pretty naive parents with a toddler in the city who is oh so ready for his nap, so we headed to this AMAZING place instead.

Eataly is a block-wide Italian food store and series of restaurants that will make your mouth water with deliciousness. Fresh baked breads, authentic gelato, cheeses, pastas, wine...you name it, they've got it. And its YUMMY.Will also played on the Madison Square Park playground for a bit.

Thanks to Shannon for loaning us the adorable pumpkin "William" shirt!

We are going to wear it all month long!
Tomorrow we are going to meet dear friend Anna in Bryant Park for a ride on the carousel and maybe even a little Columbus Day Parade!

Book #1

I've started it. The book project. One of the first things Will and I did together in NYC was to get our library card, and that very night I spent some time familiarizing myself with the NYCLibrary website and "putting on hold" (reserving) about 10 of the books you all recommended to me.

Katie Couric's The Best Advice I Ever Got was the first one to come in. I thought it was pretty fitting, not only because I love advice and things like commencement speeches, but also because this one was added to my list by my sweet mama. If you are going to start somewhere, start with Mama :-).

It was perfect for my subway rides to and from my tutoring sessions on the Upper West Side. Read a few inspiring essays from accomplished people, try to light a fire under sweet James, and then read a few more on the way home to Will's bedtime and dinner with my love.

This book is just what the title suggests: a bunch of advice. But no matter how old I get or how often I hear these nuggets of wisdom, I find myself soothed, encouraged, and grateful.

Of course the best part of this collection is the individual stories that accompany the general pieces of advice, but here are some of my favorite reflections:

You are surely afraid: of leaving what you know, of seeking what you want, of taking the wrong path, of failing the right one. But you can't allow any of that to warp your life. You must have the strength to say no to the wrong things and to embrace the right ones, even if you are the only one who seems to know the difference, even if you find the difference hard to calculate.

~Anna Quindlen

For 42 years, I've been making small, regular deposits in this bank of experience. And on January 15th, the balance was sufficient so that I could make a sudden, large withdrawal.

~Captain Chesley Sullenberger

I need to trust and have faith and believe that if I do things the right way good things will happen. What is meant to be will happen for me, and all I should concern myself with is the things I can control.

~Drew Brees

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

~Samuel Beckett

Think about what is valuable before thinking about what is profitable.

~Biz Stone

There are many kinds of currency in life, not just monetary.

~Dr. Phil

A friend told me that type-A people think they can figure out what to do next while they're doing something, but it never happens. She suggested I stop working and spend the next year figuring it out. How scary is that? One day I was baking a thousand baguettes and running a store with 40 employees, and the next day I had nothing to do. I have to admit, it was the hardest year of my life. But I know for sure that the next part of my career would never have happened without it. And this has been the happiest time of my life.

~Ina Garten (LOVE her)

Learn the trust the feeling of "not knowing." For most of us, most of the time, that is the truth.

~Hugh Jackman

Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character.

~William Arthur Ward

Treat others as you would want to be treated. Yes, but also Treat yourself as well as you treat others.

~Gloria Steinem

Take at least twenty minutes every day to be still and quiet. Time to sit in complete silence. Think. Reflect. Dissect your thoughts and feelings. Relive any mistakes from the day before. Decide how to be smarter and tougher, how to be more committed and considerate of others and more sensitive and aware of your surroundings. Choose something you learned that will make you a better person. Choose to be happy and positive. Live like the blessed human you are. Define you. Be secure enough in yourself to base success on personal growth.

~Beyonce

Marry your conscience.

~Jay Leno

Right now my life is about responsibility and accountability nearly one hundred percent of the time. There isn't one moment of a single day that someone doesn't need something from me. I am, in a word, an adult.An adult with a very fortunate set of responsibilities that my years of perfectionism have equipped me to handle. Yet there are moments when I look back on my years at school and wish that I could make a raft of changes. I would make it messier. I would fail more. I would learn to pick myself up from embarrassment rather than becoming an expert at avoiding it, because "real life," I've discovered, is all about compromise, messiness, and, yes, failure. Real life is learning to lower your expectations while not getting completely blown off course. Real life is about showing your kids that abject failure is not the worst thing that happens, but sometimes the best.

~Julie Bowen

There is usually never one "correct" choice. Coming to understand that there are usually a few good choices--and then there's the one you pick, commit to, and make great--is the best way to make flexible, optimal, good decisions in life.

~Marissa Mayer (Google exec)

Life is a series of happy accidents.

~Jane Lynch

The definition of success changes throughout your life. Never try to be something that you're not. Live your life as an honest and compassionate person.

~Ellen DeGeneres

As much as we can, it's helpful to be in a place of gratitude. None of us is entitled to anything. We get what we get not because we want it or we deserve it or because it's unfair if we don't get it but because we earn it, we respect it, and only if we share it do we keep it.

~MIchael J. Fox

Giving makes me feel like I'm living.

~Morrie through Mitch Albom

Never stop learning.

Say yes.

Commit to something bigger than yourself.

Laugh.

Get over yourself.

Do something that will last and be beautiful.

Have faith, not fear.

Listen to your inner voice.

jobs.

The big news today is that Steve Jobs died. It is all over Facebook, the news, and the papers. And while I didn't expect his death to generate so much response from the public, I totally get it. I am writing on an Apple computer as we speak, this summer we bought a second one for Clay because we knew we both would need and want one (and he says EVERYONE in his classes has an Apple computer), we both have and LOVE our iPhones, we both have iPods and use them almost every day, and I couldn't be more grateful for the ease of iPhoto. We are admitted Apple junkies.

But as I listened to Jobs's Stanford University Commencement Address last night and again today (every time it is on the news, I am transfixed; I can't turn it off), I felt like Jobs was speaking my language. I was inspired all over again--and again, and again.

Here are a few excerpts, followed by more lessons learned so far this year:

1. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

Many of you faithful readers know that I have struggled at times with this move, this change. This struggle has assumed different phases and faces, but this week I realized that part of my resistance stems from fear that I am fulfilling the (fading) stereotype that a woman, if necessary, will sacrifice her own career for the benefit of her family or the advancement of her husband's career. For 8 years, Clay and I were both English teachers, coaches, advisors, and Master's degree students. Then we started a family and Clay went back to school. These two changes forced me to also change, and while I am hesitant to be super excited about "re-inventing" myself because I have to admit that I liked being an English teacher and coach, I am also learning that it is okay to jump off the treadmill and try something new. Who knows what next year holds. I may return to the classroom, I may not. Part of that decision will hinge on opportunities and necessity, but part of it will also depend upon what all three of us learn this year about what makes us individually and collectively our best selves.

Clay doesn't expect me nor want me nor view me to be a woman whose main identity is that of his wife. Once I truly felt and knew that, I felt free to enjoy this time away from the classroom. It also replaced the heaviness with a lightness that enables me to see this time with Will as a gift, which it is.

To be clear, I LOVE this time with Will, I LOVE getting out of the classroom and back into the world, I LOVE waking up in the morning and not saying goodbye to my family at 5 am, I LOVE seeing new things and meeting new people and exploring New York City. I really am so happy. But I want to be honest, both for when I look back at this blog years later and for other women who might sense that same tension of a work-family balance: I was Sara Hume for 27 years before I became Sara Gahan. I was a teacher for 7 years before I became a mother. I wasn't a teacher because I was just biding time....I am passionate about education, about the future generations of our country, about the power of literature, and about supporting all of the amazing educators out there who work so hard for the benefit of young people. This passion didn't go away when I got married or had Will. New passions simply formed. I am lucky to love so much, and I know I have a whole life (hopefully) to fully demonstrate and realize those passions.

2. You can't the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

I have no doubt that this move was the right move for us. I have no doubt that it was the right time. I have total peace that "dot" is going to make so much sense when we connect the dots later.

3. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Another thing I know for sure: I hit the jackpot when I married Clay, and our life together just keeps getting better and better. I couldn't agree with Steve Jobs more: Keep looking until you find it. It's worth it. But I also think Clay and I would add that once you find it, your job is to keep making it magic. What you are looking for isn't necessarily a fixed point. I think one mark of knowing that you love what you do and love who you are with is that you are constantly experiencing those wow moments. I had one the other night when Clay and I were talking. I can't even remember what he said, but I do remember sitting there, listening to him, and thinking, "Wow. He amazed me yet again." Teaching in the classroom affords those moments, too. Not all the time, but they are there--and they are powerful.

4. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart....Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want

to become. Everything else is secondary.

In many ways, this blog is becoming a space for my inner voice. And this year is freeing me from what others think, because Lord knows that most people in NYC don't care what I think :-). I used to think riding on the subway was such a cold, empty experience, but now I love it: I can let myself think. No one is even trying to connect. And this is so freeing. We are all smushed in a subway car together but most people don't say a word the entire ride. In this tiny space, we aren't worried what those around us think. Most people are too tired to care. But as we go from one place to another, we have these precious minutes in a crowded subway car to retreat underground and escape for a minute. No wonder the subways are so popular; I think we all need these inner retreats so we can listen to our own voices for a minute.

I love this speech, and I am grateful to Steve Jobs for living a life true to himself and full of vision.

a fall morning.

My camera has been in hiding since Will and I returned to NYC.

It has been waiting patiently as I figure out a way to head out the door in the mornings with a walking toddler, a nose-driven beagle, a diaper bag, (now) jackets and coats, and often a stroller that we LOVE but doesn't just disappear when Will is eager to get out and walk himself down the busy street! "Mom, everyone around me is walking...LET ME WALK!"

But when Will started playing Peek-a-BOO! this morning, I became determined.

I don't care if I have to grow a third arm: I am taking pictures of our adventures in the city.

This made Will oh-so-happy.

(Sorry these get small--I am experimenting with picture size in an effort to save memory and thus prevent me from buying more picture space, but alas, these are too small! I'll go back, I promise)

And then he wanted to show off his full mouth of teeth.

And his book. He LOVES the audio recorded book Mimi and Poppy gave him. I hear "I love you when you are quiet and I love you when you are loud" a llllllll day long :-).

And then we headed to "our" park, Sakura Park, one of a MILLION awesome parks in this city.

Will, my dirt-loving, fast-walking, nature-happy bundle of love, took off with Cam close behind.

Mama, can you see me?

I found my favorite spot: in the weeds!

I love grates...

...and climbing stairs

(which makes Mama a little VERY nervous)
But my absolute FAVORITE is the swings.
I think about lots of important things when I am swinging...
but most importantly,

I AM OH SO HAPPY!

thirty-one

So...I turned the big 3-1 on Wednesday. I may not be wiser, but I am definitely older, so I thought in honor of this day, I would document 31 random but true thoughts on my mind this week:

1. My birthday rocked because Ashley Nichols surprised me and took me out to dinner! One of my best friends and my longtime running partner, Ashley had been in conversation with Clay for over a month about her trip to the city on my birthday. I was SHOCKED when I came home from tutoring on Wednesday night to find her in our apartment. She MADE my birthday.

2. Everyone deserves to have a special birthday. I don't always do a good job remembering and celebrating people's birthdays, but I am determined this year to do better. Everyone gets just one birthday a year--no matter who you are, you should feel special and loved on your birthday.

3. I felt special and loved on mine, and for that, I am beyond grateful to my family and friends.

4. Care packages from your parents never get old. In fact, opening a care package full of M&M's, Wheat Thins, articles from the local paper, and a sweet card might be one the best things ever.

5. 2 glasses of wine made me tipsy. I am definitely old.

6. Will will forever be the greatest gift I have ever been given.

7. I miss my family on my birthday. Every year.

8. Toys R Us and FAO Schwarz are amazing toy stores, but they don't have nearly as much play space as they could...in fact, they are a bit of a nightmare with a fast-moving toddler.

9. My best friend Blaire met us in the city today (she is awesome) and we found our way into Central Park. Will found his way into a fountain. I then had a half-naked boy in NYC for over 2 hours.

10. Walking home from 59th St. to 121st St. during the start of Will's usual nap time wasn't my brightest idea. Especially when he is hungry, tired, and half naked. There have been lots of glorious, glamorous moments for us so far in NYC. That wasn't one of them. As I walked--quickly--home, all I could think about was how I STILL didn't have this parenting thing down yet.

11. I wonder if I will ever have this parenting thing down. I doubt it.

12. Doing anything with a toddler is tricky, often impossible. Sure, doing something he enjoys is great, but trying to get something else done, especially in public, is HARD. Trying to grocery shop in a tight market on Broadway? HARD. Trying to pick out a few books at the library? HARD. Trying to talk to a dear friend about serious stuff? Really hard. It's frustrating sometimes. Sure, he is clearly my priority and my joy, but I have to admit I get tired of apologizing to people because I can't concentrate long enough on them to get anywhere worthwhile. Friends understand, but still, I want to show them that what they say matters to me.

13. Navigating a relationship with Clay's ex-girlfriend who lives upstairs is tricky.

14. I am currently working four part-time jobs (tutoring, tutoring, online teaching, online editing). This helps our financial situation tremendously--and it also helps me feel professional.

15. I eat way too many M&M's every day.

16. Whole wheat everything bagels are my newest obsession. Will loves them too.

17. I am currently reading three books: Rebecca, Making Toast, and The Best Advice I Ever Got. Love all three, but Making Toast is a real page-turner.

18. I miss yoga.

19. I fall even more in love with my son the older he gets. Even though I miss my job and my colleagues, I feel so lucky to wake up every day and not have to leave him.

20. Everyone deserves to sleep on soft, comfortable sheets at night. We aren't right now, but I think part of my first tutoring check might need to be dedicated to such a purchase.

21. Freshdirect.com is pretty amazing.

22. We are trying to find a church here in the city, but it is a bit overwhelming. Nothing close by to us, so church will probably involve a subway ride, which is fine, but Will doesn't love the subway yet (and I admit it: I don't love taking him on the subway. I am fine by myself, but taking Will makes me so nervous for some reason), so we aren't sure how to navigate this part of our family's life.

23. Will woke up crying hysterically tonight for some reason, and Clay is gone for the weekend with his buddies. I know it won't make Will feel any better, but I think Cam and I are going to sleep in Will's room tonight. It will at least make me feel better :-).

24. Will finally loves taking baths again. Holla!

25. Camden has adjusted remarkably well to NYC. Other that the fact that he wants to sleep in between me and Clay at night, he is a great dog--super patient, loyal, and loving.

26. We hosted our first potluck last weekend--three other couples, three other toddlers. It was happy chaos. Other than the fact that we couldn't all fit in the same room, it went well! We are slowly getting to know a few of our neighbors, especially the other families in Clay's program, and they all have such interesting, impressive stories! That is one thing I love about NYC--it is so diverse, rich in terms of culture and customs, and open to a variety of people and backgrounds.

27. I got lost only once this week. I'm making progress.

28. My mom sent me my horoscope on Wednesday. I thought it was pretty spot-on (with the exception of the genteel manners part--the wrath of Hume came out once this week on the phone, and I felt badly about it afterwards, but the situation was getting ridiculous):

"You have such a lovely way of putting things. Your genteel manners will endear you to others and attract social and professional opportunities, as well. You'll bounce between exciting worlds through the end of the year. 2012 has a more settled-in feeling. You'll add people to your inner circle. Invest in January and July. Lucky numbers are 5, 21, 24, 3 and 17."

29. I continue to be so proud of all of my friends and family who are following their dreams and their hearts. Sometimes life can be risky, but that is part of the adventure, right? :-)

30. Happy birthday on Sunday to my WONDERFUL father-in-law, Papa G!

31. These past 31 years have been full of laughter, treats, surprises, and unbelievable love. Here's hoping I use the next 31 to give away at least as much as I have been given. Goodnight!

Breakfast.

O Happy Day!

The Wall.

Our hallway used to look like this:

Now it looks like this:

Thanks to my creative cousin Allison, who inspired me with her wall o' memories in her Baltimore home. I saw hers and instantly I thought, "It's perfect!"
As we experience things in NYC this year, we can add mementos to our wall.

It's like the blog--just on the wall!

And Clay already added one amazing piece of paper: his Yonkers Marathon bib number! Clay ROCKED this small marathon last weekend. He came in 32nd overall, 6th place in his age group, and 1st in my book!