8 Months.

Dear Will,

You are the light of our lives.

Your curiosity of the world makes us see things in new and beautiful ways.

You make us want to be better people, you make us want to leave this world better than we inherited it, you make us want to help others try to enjoy life as much as we do with you.

You love the little things, the simple things. You love eating paper, especially Mama's grocery lists. She has gotten better at memorizing things thanks to you! You love Camden and find him endlessly entertaining. You love rolling over and pushing up. You love smiling at other people. You love other babies, and when we come close to your friends Wylie and Ryan, you reach out to hug them.

It it is moments like that that I melt.

You are just so loving already.

You love the Johnny Jump-Up, especially because it means that you are on the same level as Camden. You jump and jump--and then suddenly you want out!

You also love the camera. You mostly want to eat it, and sometimes the light of the flash confuses you, but the minute Mama puts it down, you smile again and then she is able to quickly capture your sweetness.

From day one, you loved sticking out that tongue. Now your favorite face is one of a big, open mouth, probably because that is the face we often make when we see you. Ours is one of awe and pure joy. We loved you before we ever met you, yes, but you are so much better than we could have ever even imagined.

I asked Clay last night, "Do you just love being a dad?"

He said, "Yes. Yes. But I LOVE being Will's dad."

Great answer.

We LOVE being your parents.

Your expressions are, one after the other, so adorable.

And you finally love food! Hooray! Today you had sweet potatoes & apple and YoBaby peach yogurt. It makes Mama so happy when you open your mouth wide and get excited about eating. You wear half of it, but that is more our fault than yours :-).

Be still my heart.

Solid food success!

You are sitting up like a champ these days, but we stick close by because eventually you timber over. It doesn't faze you, though--you are so laid back and tough that you just hang out until we scoop you back up into our arms and smother you with kisses.

You still love your pacifier, and you are adept at putting in your mouth, turning it all around, and spitting it out when you see a bottle (you still LOVE your bottles).

Thoughtful Will.

You love your Daddy.

Mama loves him too :-)

My new favorite picture.

Today, your 8 month birthday, we were lucky enough to spend the day together as a family. It was the first day of our Winter Break, and Daddy leaves tomorrow for a Church convention in Knoxville, but today was all play. We were supposed to observe a Montessori toddler classroom as part of the application process, but the brief snow fall last night caused the school to open two hours late--and thus our observation was postponed until tomorrow. What did we do instead? We played as a family--and laughed and laughed.

And then we went to Target!

We tried out the shopping cart cover that Mimi and Poppy gave us for Christmas, and you loved it!

Next stop: lunch at EarthFare

Next stop: nap time (for all three of us).

You are such a great sleeper, sweet Will. I took this picture five seconds after laying you down for your nap. You sleep from 8 p.m. to 7:30 a.m., and you nap from 10-11 and from 1-3.

We also love going for walks, and even though it was super cold today, we bundled up and took a family walk around campus.

Here you are ready to walk Camden.

The cold walk led to a warm bath, another one of your favorite activities.

We love the soft books (thank you, Sally!). Why? Because when it comes to books, you love...EATING them. Hilarious.

You aren't quite sure about getting out of the bathtub, though :-)

Oh, wait...

...there's that smile!

(Wish I could get it to rotate but it doesn't seem to want to cooperate)

We tried to get the "8 month" shot but I think we waited too long...

Here you are in your sleep sack. You are about to grow out of this one and I am searching all over for a bigger one because you love it so much!

It's been a good day.

But then again, each day of the past 8 months has been a good day. A GREAT day. You make us so, so happy, little man. You are fun, loving, patient, curious, smart, and sweet. From the moment you wake up smiling to the moment you go to bed smiling, you fill our every moment with joy and meaning.

We already can't wait for tomorrow with you.

More Random Thoughts on Teaching

1. Writing and teaching writing are two very different things.
2. To be a good teacher of writing, I must write and read. A lot.
3. My students think about Facebook probably more than they think about anything else. I am working on trying to find a way to utilize it in my classroom. I am also tempted to ban Facebook from my own life just to see if it makes me feel more free to do other things.
4. I find myself getting really frustrated and almost personally hurt when my students write poorly. I am constantly reminding myself to look at a submission objectively, give it the grade it deserves, and move on.
5. I cannot get students to write for the school newspaper. They don't have time.
6. When I say they don't have time, I mean they don't make time. One of the many things Will has taught me is that I make choices every day regarding how I am going to spend my time. I hope that my time reflects my priorities, but it often doesn't. I hope to always get better at this.
7. Computers are both incredibly helpful and incredibly distracting in the classroom. My favorite classes are usually the ones where computers are closed and the students are engaged in discussion.
8. I am teaching both Brave New World and A Handmaid's Tale right now. My head is about to explode with dystopian satire. The bells that ring every 49 minutes don't help :-).
9. Clay and I taught a Sunday School class last Sunday, and just like in my classes at school, the audience of adults primarily wanted to hear a lecture. It amazes me that in a world of blogs and texts and facebook, people shy away from speaking in a public, academic context. They are okay sharing things when they are in front of a screen. They are not nearly as comfortable face-to-face.
10. Words matter. From listening to the State of the Union to teaching Taming of the Shrew to comforting my mentor and teaching idol the other day after a student told another student she hoped my mentor went to hell, I continue to be committed to the fundamental art of using words well. Words can be weapons, yes, but they can also be incredibly nurturing and inspiring and encouraging. I pray my students leave my class knowing at least that.

My Healthy Sick Day

On my way to check out the "Vows" and "Dining" sections of the NYTimes tonight (I am grading my fourth class of annotated bibliographies and desperately needed a reminder of interesting yet thoughtful reading...and yes, I confess, these are two of my favorite sections), I came across the Motherlode blog. Here is what she had to say today:

The Co-operative supermarket chain polled 3000 customers and found that after everything else was subtracted, working parents have 90 minutes a day “to themselves.”

The poll breaks down the average day as follows:

Get up 6:42am
Get ready (shower, dress, coffee) 55 minutes
Get children ready 47 minutes
Commute to work 52 minutes
Working day 7 hours
Pick children up 33 minutes
Makes / eat dinner 46 minutes
Children’s play and bedtime 1 hour 9 minutes
Household chores 1 hour 13 minutes
Work from home 1 hour 12 minutes
Go to bed 10:45pm
Spare time = 1hour 30 minutes a day

What is it that parents miss most? Here’s what they told pollsters:

1. Spend more time with the children – 48 per cent
2. Read books – 37 per cent
3. Do more exercise – 34 per cent
4. Put feet up in front of the TV – 32 per cent
5. A lie in – 31 per cent
6. Go to the pub – 30 per cent
7. Have a better sex life – 26 per cent
8. Meet friends – 25 per cent
9. Take a walk in the park with their partner – 22 per cent
10. Go to the cinema – 19 per cent

This is SO what I have been thinking about lately. Clay was away at church and dorm obligations all weekend, so I anticipated getting TONS of schoolwork and housework done. What was I thinking? Before I knew it, my Saturday had been consumed with feeding #1 (at 6:30 a.m.), working out with Ashley while Will happily (he is AMAZING) played on the floor mat, feeding #2, trip to Publix, feeding #3, naptime, cleaning the house during naptime and quickly talking to a friend, feeding #4 (including "solid" food, which is always an adventure), a beautiful walk around campus, meeting Clay for dinner in the dining hall, feeding #5, bathtime, bedtime, laundry, and then a little schoolwork. I think I watched the same HouseHunters twice at 10 and then again at midnight just because I didn't really remember the first time--and because I didn't really care. My brain couldn't get excited about starting grading or prepping at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night, and I was eager to do anything to stay awake past 10 p.m. just so I could prove that I still can. Clearly, my life is radically different from the days when I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to...

I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Will continues to be the greatest gift and joy I have ever known. Every day at 3 p.m. is still like Christmas. But while I immediately enjoyed the new role of "mama," I didn't realize just how much "Sara" was going to have to adjust and change too. Long phone conversations with friends just don't happen much anymore. My professional and personal emails have become much shorter and to the point. I don't hang out with my dear colleagues during the day anymore (no time). Workouts need to be hard core or else I just don't get enough out of them. I have been to the movies once since Will was born. And time to just write or think or read is precious. I now realize how important it is to do all of these things to help me feel healthy and my best self, but I have to be pretty intentional about when and where they take place. I exercise in the mornings when Clay and Will are both still asleep. I grade as much as I can during the school day so I don't have to bring a lot of work home. I talk to friends while I clean the house or when we go for long walks. I rent movies.

So when I didn't feel great last week and was nursing a sore throat, cough, and fever on Sunday, I did what the old "Sara" would have never done: I called in sick. Yesterday, Will went to Carla's, Clay went to work, and I stayed at home in my PJ's and graded papers all day. Not a single interruption for hours. It was blissful. I really did get a lot done. But at 3 p.m., I was ready to jump back into it, ready to scoop Will up into my arms and take him and Camden for a good walk, ready to be Mrs. Gahan in my classroom again, ready to wake up early and move through my glorious days. It was just the break I needed, but it was also a beautiful reminder that my non-sick days are full with activities and people I love. I know I am not my best self most days, but I am realizing that my "self" is also growing immensely right now.

I think I have more than 90 minutes to myself every day, so I guess I should consider myself lucky. That said, I think that it is in the moments when I am focused on things outside of my self that I feel most alive.

Now back to those papers...

Will's Laugh

Oh this makes me so, SO happy!

Growing Teachers

The snow days made me think about how so much of my life as a mom and educator is focused on helping and watching people grow. It has also been focused on a rumor circulating my school that for the fourth year in a row, the faculty will not be receiving raises. I don't know why this rumor bothers me so much, but I know it isn't about the money. As I have said before, I didn't get into education to get rich.


For awhile I thought it might be tied to the feeling of being "unvalued." I am certain that if faculty feel unappreciated at a school, the school is in trouble. You must protect the sense of purpose and service teachers bring to their jobs. But the truth is that I do feel like my work matters, and to be doubly honest, I just don't care as much. Ever since Will, my life has shifted. I now work to live, not live to work.


I think it was a comment my friend Kat made at dinner on Saturday night that hit the nail on the head. She said that it is human nature to want to keep growing, to feel as if you are always learning and developing and advancing. I couldn't agree more. I think my frustration lies in the fact that I am in a profession dedicated to helping people advance and grow--and yet my colleagues and I are starting to feel stuck. As someone said the other day in our meeting, we love our school but we don't like everything about it.


My heart and head agree that right now is probably not the ideal time for to me to think about professional advancement. I am spending less time than ever on my lessons; why should I be given even more responsibility--and would I even want it if the opportunities were there? I am more than okay with where I am professionally right now, but that doesn't mean I don't want to keep growing. A good teacher must be a lifelong student.


All this said, I feel like I find inspiration every time I turn around. Reading blogs, watching videos on TedTV, reading books for fun (which I am finally doing again! Hallelujah! I am reading Jonathan Franzen's Freedom right now), going to church, listening to podcasts, and paying attention to the cool things my family and friends are doing nurtures this little soul of mine. I love living life looking for inspiration.

Will's Baptism

On January 9, 2011, William Bradley Gahan was baptized at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Chattanooga, TN. How blessed we were that his wonderful Granddaddy baptized him, that all four grandparents made the trip to be with us for such a special event, and that Will has four amazing godparents!

He is not so sure about what is going to happen...

Now he is sure: nope, definitely didn't appreciate that water on his head.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for coming down for the weekend and for being such a huge help!

"I see you"

Thank you, Grandaddy and Gramma, for flying in for such a short but significant visit--and for enduring 24 hours in the Birmingham airport before finally getting home!

Sweet.

Will's wonderful godparents: Tony and Carol, Kat and Nate

Will loves these dear, dear friends!

Celebration

We gave the godparents and grandparents little notes of gratitude :-).

I just love this picture of Kat and Nate. What a good pair.

Mom took this series while Will was in his car seat.

What a happy, happy boy. We are so lucky.

I have decided: this hat is my favorite item in Will's wardrobe right now.

Love Love Love

Peace.

The two loves of my life.

So I am sitting here on the couch watching Eat Pray Love with Camden curled up next to me. I am arrested by the movie, both loving and disliking what it says about the joys and purpose in life, when I hear Will crying. It is 11:51: Will has been asleep for 4 hours, but as has become habit lately, there is a moment during the night when Will suddenly cries out and I find myself rushing to his side and placing my palms on his warm cheeks. Usually he is immediately soothed by his pacifier and turns his head to the side, but tonight he refused his binky and instead looked at me with his big, searching eyes and smiled. He reached out for my hand, slipped his soft fingers around mine, and held on tight. Maybe it was me who held on tight. And before I knew it, he was breathing steadily. He had fallen asleep. I stayed there for a moment longer, watching his chest rise and fall, and then I slipped back out of the nursery.

I find myself in these moments all the time lately. Moments when I want to pause life for a second, let the magnificence of the experience totally sink in, and then press play again only to be a little wiser and more full of wonder than I was before. Usually life sweeps me up before I can write about these moments, but I hope this year I can be more diligent about writing some of it down.

Snow Days!

It's been crazy around here. Crazy wonderful and lazy and cozy. Old Man Winter dumped 6-8 inches of snow on Chattanooga, causing the entire town to shut down. The only things on the roads on Monday were sleds. It was glorious. Tuesday was almost as quiet, but the roads starting freezing over on Tuesday night, leading to FOUR whole days off of school and home with Will! We don't have to make these days up, so we enjoyed them to the fullest. We saw a lot of our sweet neighbors, had long workouts, read...but mostly we played with Will. Did I have moments of anxiety because I felt like I should have been more "productive"? Yup. But I am getting better at pushing those feelings aside and being fully in the moment when I am with Will. It's funny. I used to be the type of person who wanted to go, go, go all the time, and in many ways I still am. But being with Will makes me feel so content and complete that other things quickly disappear. Go to Target? Sure, but I don't have to. Make an elaborate dinner? Sounds good, but I am just as happy throwing together a fresh salad. Sit in Barnes and Noble and peruse books for an hour? Awesome--but if Will would rather walk around the mall instead, that sounds great too. He is 7 months old now, and I still find myself sneaking into his room at night to watch him sleep, as if he were a dream. I can't get enough.

Clay and Will in front of our house

The hill in front of our house was perfect for sledding

Winter Wonderland!

Our sweet friend (and pediatrician) Dodd invited Will and me over on Tuesday for a baby dinner party, hoping it might inspire Will to eat a few more solid foods. Will is not into food at all. He loves milk and formula, but wants nothing to do with a spoon and pureed veggies or fruits. Wylie, on the other hand, was loving his sweet potatoes. Will decided to wear most of his.